Marinate on the Thought!

frustrated

2008-08-16T23:09:00.003+08:00

they make it hard for me to say what i want...they ask what i want but its not like it can be easily acquired by a wave of a magic wand! i know its expensive that's why i've changed my mind already. then they make up this whole jealousy sibling thing!! my god....who would be jealous over my older sister?! im just thinking about them in the first place!! the repercussion of the actions that are being made now will happen when i leave already...so its not like its an easy thing..i tell them i'll just get it in the future with my own money...then they fret up!! what the hell is wrong with them?! im already trying to alleviate the stress by not adding more to the costs of everything......its all about the money!!! everything!!! i know these are tough times already that's why!! that's why!! i dont want that stupid lap top anymore!! seeing you guys kill yourselves over the money for it is just heart breaking!!! so enough....just stop it....please.......i want to leave already.....now....i love them to death...but its too much already...i want my own space...

2008-04-22T20:40:00.002+08:00

i havent blogged anything in the longest time....but i feel its about time i go back to blogging.....going to Miren or Keight isnt exactly an easy choice for me right now...they have enough things to worry about, combined even! anyways...

im losing grip of myself lately.....i feel so unfulfilled and unsatisfied....im always thinking about getting away from here....moving out to a different country....running away from everything....if this is how it feels when one is thrown in the real world...i just hope to find some reassurance and answers to these random thoughts...its just when i think back to it, back in grade school i easily know im going to end up in high school. then when i was in highschool i know i was going to end up in a culinary school....and when i was in culinary school all i know was that i was going to start working after that.....now that im working.......................i dont know...........what's going on? why's it like this? i feel like i cant see where im going anymore except if i move out the country...........the road has always been bright for me....but now, things are hazy and uncertain..........

changes...

2007-10-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

wow...i havent written anything here for a long time now...i wonder if anybody still reads this....either way, i still like writing my thoughts here whether people are reading it or not.

aside from graduating this coming saturday...a lot of other things have happened to me already...for such a short period of time actually...

i got drunk for the first time yesterday. Miren and I finished a bottle of tequila on our own! it was a funny experience for me....but its a night that won't be easily forgotten through alcohol alone.

then earlier today, after the parish involvement of my little sister, Mica...i received a call from Mary (my friend from ISCAHM, whom i was suppose to meet up tomorrow)..*i was driving at the moment she called me* she called to inform me that she cant make it tomorrow coz her girlfriend wants to go on a date! yes, her girlfriend....i was totally thrown off by that! coz i didnt realize that Mary's gay...I mean i kinda got the vibe but wasnt really sure since she was really femmenine, thin and has long hair. so after learning something we have in common, i just started sharing my own life to her while i was driving. then after the phone call...i realized and just remembered...that my little sister, Mica was with me through the whole conversation. i dont know why i wasnt able to shut my mouth during that conversation. momentarily lapse of decision making? or an urge to actually come out? whatever it was...i cant take back what ive said. so i told Mica the truth of who I really am. and as usual, i started crying while i told her my story. i dont know if she understands or even care...but i know i can trust her not to tell anybody. i know her well enough for that alone. i explained to Mica that its alright if she wants to talk about it,its alright if she wants to ask me something or to just tell me anything....because in this family of mine, i noticed...nobody actually say anything about what they really feel or what they think of whatever. serious matters that are obviously happening right infront of my eyes are left unspoken and not explained. its like, suddenly i just found out not from my parents but from my cousin...that my uncle has left my aunt for another woman! i know its not really my business...but still, i wondered what happened to uncle Alex...and another incident was when my brother's wife suddenly left him! His wife didnt come back for days....and then after a week she's suddenly back...i know its none of my business...but i dont like this...its like nothing is explained...matters are left unspoken...

im so afraid of coming out to my parents...but like Miren told me...the day i come out to my parents is sooner than i actually expect it to be after this....it cant wait anymore....after graduating...the hope of getting a job in abroad is still uncertain...and i really do pray i get it so i can get out of here....because i feel that when i come out to my parents...things will change for the worse...to make things easier, it'll be better if i wasnt around, wouldnt it? or am i just runnning away? i dont know anymore...i dont know what i should think about...im pathetic....

my september schedule

2007-08-30T21:45:00.000+08:00

check out my multiply site for lotsa a pictures!! www.apprenticechef.multiply.com

and also to see my schedule for sept...here's a link to my calendar of events: http://apprenticechef.multiply.com/calendar/2007/9

fuck-off!!!

2007-08-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

i had a fucking piss-off day at school today....first of all...i wasnt able to have a decent sleep (dont know why)...then when i was able to finally sleep my mum barges in my room and reminds me i have to drive my sister to work today. there goes my "rest". when i finally drove my sister to her office, i got caught in traffic on my way back! i got home 10am already...and i still havent had breakfast nor have i taken a bath! so i did everything in a rush just to get ready for school coz if i didnt leave by 11am...i'll be caught in traffic again then i'll be late...aftewards, in school, we had chef pauline as our lecturer of the day. something that made my day a bit brighter...but my idiotic classmates just had to open their foul-mouths!! chef pauline was saying that she wouldn't want to see my batch again next year (if anyone would fail the finals)...then a bald-headed-no-decency idoitic man just had to yell out "Ma'am...anna wouldn't mind staying till next year!" now, its not only my section that's in the room...there's TWO sections in one room at that moment. i didnt flinch nor looked at anybody. but my head was screaming out loud! then to add to that, we had a little quiz for review...we were asked one by one to answer a question...when it came to my turn...someone just had to make that "yihee" sound. i wanted to chop his head off when i heard it! you know, im a nice girl. ive never fought back nor paid any attention to their teasing to me before. but have some decency man! think about what you say! if you say its a joke...then you dont know how to kid! coz im not laughing. i have every right to be mad!!! ive never wanted to hit/slap/kick somebody sooo bad till that moment!!! you guys are sooo dead tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! thank God im a lesbian...i dont have to deal with the idiotic male species!

blogging as we know it...

2007-08-18T19:41:00.000+08:00

ever since i could remember i always have a notebook where i write down all my thoughts or things that have happened to me...some call it a diary, others call it a journal. either way, it was a very handy tool for me to just randomly write what i had in mind, whether it be silly or down right depressingly serious. i never could fill up one notebook and yet i have accumulated alot of it already. its either i fancied other notebooks for its neat and cool design or i filled up the old one with random doodles instead of writings. =3

after awhile, i learned that i can just type what i had in mind into a computer and even have it publish in the net. thus, the birth of my blogging habits! blogging has its perks...

for one thing: i dont need to write plus its actually readable! (for people who've seen my hand-writting, only the gifted can actually understand my hand-writting! lol.)
second: its easy to edit my entries with a click of a button, no mess, no fuss.
third: i get to share my thoughts with other people out there! compared to my old notebook where i had to bring it around and pick the right "moment" to let some people see it; a blog is so much easier. i just type, publish in the net and just come back to it when i feel like it to check if someone left a comment.
fourth: it has become a means of communication for me to my friends whom i havent seen for so long already. just to keep each other updated! ^_^

although, blogging does have its down sides...

no power, no laptop
no connection, no internet
not exactly the most private place to hide deep "dark secrets" although, ive hardly hidden anything whenever i write in my blog. its always better when everythings OUT there! ;-P

now the evolution of blogging has arrived to my fingertips!! *bwahahaha* i used my brother's old Eye Toy (the camera gadget used for ps2), hacked it to make it compatible for my laptop and turned it into a webcam! i suddenly have this great resolution webcam for free!!! so ingenious! =D

now we have the term video-blogging or shorten as "vlog". its really cool!!! well...im having fun with it. all i have to do is just talk whatever infront of the camera and then just upload to the net and that's it! then after 2 vlogs...i came back to writing to my old blog with these thoughts in mind....

expressing my honest thoughts to friends and a world of strangers as well gets easier and easier with each addition of technology....making me more "lazier" than i already am...i started out first with writing, then i moved to typing...then now i just talk infront of a camera! ;-P

in anycase, whether it be in hand-writting, type-written or verbally spoken, i like to be heard and to be understood with these thoughts of mine. i like to be known in my own little egoistic world! not to be misjudged or taken lightly, but just to have something to share or talk about and somehow have these random musings marinated in one's thought! ^__~

my first vlog:

my second vlog:

the sky isnt the only thing that's gray

2007-08-15T11:56:00.000+08:00

wow...its been awhile since i posted anything...oh well...no classes today, so might as well write something and maybe i'll finally upload pics later on...anyways...

lately, i feel so out of sync....whenever im alone i suddenly feel this huge depression creeping up inside me. so as much as possible i find someone to hang out with these days. thank goodness blueberry carpools with me to school and back! i need to keep myself sane somehow. having some company around keeps me from thinking about certain issues i dodge so often...too many issues to handle and so little time....i feel crushed...or rather i feel like im drowning...demmet! stupid teenage angst! must be the weather....yea...the gloomy weather must be pulling down my spirits...

in other things....im looking forward this weekend coz i'll be doing my first catering job for Evie's grandmother's bday!! my school barkada are coming over to help me out or they might be just coming over to play and hang out! ahaha! either way, i predict its going to be one crazy and fun day!!!! wish me luck!!!

Ratatouille

2007-07-28T19:30:00.000+08:00

Ratatouille = a classical French vegetable stew that's tomato based.

We made that in school sooo many times already and when we found out that a movie was made with the same title...immediatly after exams my classmates and i, still wearing our uniforms, went to gateway and watched it!

The movie was basically about a rat who has an appreciation for GOOD food and aspired to be a chef but, unfortunately, he's a rat and pests arent allowed in the kitchen. Then comes in Linguini (funny name...for a pasta and a character), a newly hired garbage boy who can't cook to save his job. So together they worked out a system that would benefit each other.

It was sooo much fun to watch!!! (especially with my classmates) highly recommended for anyone who loves food!! i like to point out though that rosemary, oregano and such aren't spices...those are herbs which was a mistake in the movie...but oh well!! i love it! we even saw resemblances of our chefs in the movie...Linguini looks like Chef Hans...Colette looks like Chef Pauline...the father of the Rat acts like Chef Mike...and so forth and so on! =D

i especially love a line they said in the movie.. "Anyone can cook but only the brave can be great!" =3

how does one write a love letter?

2007-07-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

well...im graduating soon...and i dont want to leave without saying anything to her..but considering my classmates knowing about my infatuation over her..i decided to take a discreet approach which would be a letter...in all honesty, i really do want to say it personally...but with everything as a consequence plus scandal...might as well take a quiet approach to it...i know its a losing battle but i still want to do it coz....i dont know...i just really want her to know..that's it, i suppose...

honesty is my best policy

2007-07-09T18:59:00.000+08:00

on my way home today, my classmate, Blueberry, hitched a ride with me....we were in C-5 and i was just following the jeep infront of me not realizing that the stop light went red already. unfortunately for me and the jeep infront of me there was an MMDA officer on guard...i politely followed the officer to the side of the curb and did the usual routine of showing my liscence and registration...afterwards Blueberry was telling me i should make up an excuse and just slip-in a hundred peso bill...first thing, im such a bad liar...the worst one can ever find! second i just couldn't knowing i obviously broke the rules. so when the officer came back Blueberry did all the talking (she made herself look pitiful) and slipped him a hundred peso bill underneath my liscence. and we were let go, just like that! i dont know why i found it such a hard task to lie...and let me tell you considering my *huge* preference secret in my family...i haven't been exactly lying to them...i just havent told them, that's it.

anyways, ive got homework to do now...so later then! ^__~

fast cars and big robots are such turn-ons!!!!!!

2007-07-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

ahahahahaha!!! those were the words that came out my mouth yesterday after i watched Transformers with my classmate, Judy!! the whole movie's soooo coool!!!!!!!!!! plus megan fox and rachel taylor are sooooo hottttt!!!! *sizzle* (adds them in hottie list)

Transformers + Megan Fox + Rachel Taylor = PERFECT!!!! 'nuff said!

i was harassed!!

2007-07-05T15:56:00.000+08:00

i cant believe this!! i was sooo harassed in school today during lunch.... >__<

i dont know if you guys remember [link]...but my class loves teasing me to my other classmate, Bodjie. even after the fact that they know im gay. anyways...today during lunch....was the usual teasing...im used to it already, i just ignore them and smile. but today something different happened...you see, whenever they tease me to bodjie...me and bodjie just ignore them or sometimes i just tell them to stop it. basically, bodjie has no comment on it whatsoever! but today, he practically jumped in on the "fun" which surprised me. we sat beside each other during lunch which was actually normal since we've sat beside each other a hundred times already. at my other side was my classmate Paolo, he's like my good-guy best friend. well Paolo was teasing me to Chef Gerd (our German chef) since i greet Chef Gerd frequently. And then suddenly Bodjie jumps in with a knife in his hand asking me, "ano? gusto mo upakan ko?" which really took everyone's attention since Bodjie never comments on the teasing! so everybody was at the edge of their seats pushing Bodjie and me together! I was just laughing my head off and saying stuff like, "who gave Bodjie chocolate? he's hyper na!!" Bodjie on the other hand was putting his arm over my shoulder and making "pa-cute" to me! hahahaha! it reached to the point that everybody wanted to take a picture of me and him together. i really didnt want to do it but Bodjie was sooo into it already playing with props...such as a fork with a piece of meat. he was trying to feed me for the picture opt! after that he would put his head on my shoulder etcetera! grabe! then my classmates started asking me what i really wanted...a guy or a girl? i told them flat-out i want a girlfriend. then they said to Bodjie that i'll be the "man" in the relationship and he'd be the "girl". and Bodjie totally played the part immediatly! LOL. i swear the whole lunch period was a laugh trip! but in between i felt really awkward around Bodjie now...cause it really got my attention that he'd suddenly do something like that! it never crossed my mind since he knows im gay so its been like an unspoken agreement that neither would comment on the on-going teasing between the two of us. *sighs* i just hope this doesnt continue on for long....

anyways, on the brighter side of my life...we finished earlier than expected in class today...so the class just got to know Chef Bubbles better during the remainder of time. i was surprised to know Chef Bubbles's age!! she really doesnt look like her age aside from not acting it! ahaha! and also, i now know a little bit something more about Chef Pauline...she loves music and dancing...plus i now know her age, that didnt surprise me since i kinda figured it would be around that line... after knowing her age...it didnt really bother me, i just love her more now after knowing some stuff about her! i told my classmates that i'd be confessing my crush towards her around the time near graduation. i suppose its a cowardly move since i'll be graduating soon after it but its something i want to do...and i dont want to regret it. im obviously not expecting any answer in return but i just wanted her to know it. i have this thing for mature beauty!! ^___^

jams

2007-07-03T19:51:00.000+08:00

i finally made my jam project yesterday. i made an apple-banana jam!! unfortunately, my jam didnt set to the right consistency (it was thick but not enough) and the jars werent' vacuum-sealed properly (i used the steel-clamp jars). plus the color was too dark (i used a combination of white and brown sugar). i was able to fill up 4 jars, each 500ml!! i made a lot of jam yesterday and it was such a waste since i cant submit at least one of it. so gave it away to my relatives who are also my neighbors. earlier, i also bought new jars the screw-cap type jars this time and i'll just make a new batch tomorrow. this time i'll be using pure white sugar to have a lighter color and i'll be adding a bit of Pectin (a natural chemical found in acidic fruits) to help the jam set. hopefully i get it right this time. i dont know when the submission of it will be but i want it done and over with so i'll have nothing to worry about later on.

oh! for this whole week, we have Chef Bubbles for lecture. i kinda pouted at the thought of it but then again, i dont think i'll be able to concentrate too well if Chef Pauline was the one doing the lectures for my class. honestly, i think she knows about my crush on her and just ignores it. its like whenever i steal glances at her, she'd be looking right back at me! or maybe its just because im guilty in-love...

anyways, Chef Bubbles is amusing when she does lecture! she's like a little girl...a smart little girl! and when i say little girl i dont mean the height...the way she acts is sort of childish but its amusing and it keeps the class awake somehow. Chef Bubbles is actually a pastry chef but since our topic is on fruits she's the one giving my class lectures as well. and it was funny when she told my class about Sour Dough. Sour Dough is literally sour because of the "live" yeast in it. its like you knead dough then just leave it be for awhile to let it collect "wild yeast", then when it has acquired these "wild yeast" you actually cultivate it and feed it. in short it has become a sort of pet. and it was funny when she told us about her sour dough which she calls "Minnerva", since it is like a pet. she feels sad that whenever she takes a part of Minnerva, she ends up creating waste and added that it wouldn't be such a problem if Minnerva wasn't a guy! hahahahaha!! yes, Minnerva is a girl sour dough!! its sooo funny that my class started making up names for sour dough pets! "Sour-Brandough" was the best one i heard!!! hahahahaha!! i wonder what other "fun facts" Chef Bubbles will be sharing tomorrow?

hot air balloon and green watermelons

2007-07-01T17:54:00.001+08:00

ive been having this dream for two straight nights now...not that it bothers me...its just much more fun to share about these things among friends! something to laugh at i suppose...

anyways, going back to my weird dream...i was standing on a roof top over looking the city. it was during the evening and the wind was cool and crisp. when suddenly a huge hot air balloon passed by infront of me! riding in the basket was Chef Pauline extending out her arm!! i dont know what took over me but i jumped off the roof and reached for her arm. luckily she was able to grab hold of me and pulled me inside the basket with her. i realized it was a dream the moment i was already flying in a hot air balloon with Chef Pauline, but who cares, right? its my dream and i enjoyed it! ahahaha!! during our flight i recieved a call from my mom asking me to bring back watermelons. our hot balloon passed by this cliff that had small green watermelons growing. i asked Chef Pauline if those were fine to be picked but she just smiled back at me. i reached for the watermelons but i fell off the basket but before i landed to my death i woke up! hahahahaha!!

really interesting...and funny! i dont know what my sub conscious is telling me but for two nights now im having dreams about Chef Pauline...hahahahaha!! who's to complain about that?

im soo happy to be back in school!

2007-06-30T12:30:00.000+08:00

i missed the people there soo much!! not to mention, a certain person as well!! ^___^ im so happy that i get to see my crush again! and its funny coz i always have these dialogues planned out in my mind but when im with her already, it gets jumbled up and i repeat myself! so uncool...anyways, it also sucks that i've forgotten almost everything about our lectures in school before....so i must study and remember everything again!! and i better do it quick since finals are coming around soon!! my tentative graduation is early october already! i cant believe it! im graduating soon and here i thought that this one year and 2 months course would take a while but it just flew by so quickly!

since im back in school...i have a project and a report to do. my project is about jams...i have to make a jam and vacuum-seal it in a jar. i'll be making apple-banana jam. thanks to the suggestion from my crush!! *squeeeeel* ^_^ and maybe i'll add cinnamon to it or vanilla which ever satisfies my taste buds! then i also need to do a report on cranberries and currants. we're on the topic of fruits, nuts and berries already. its interesting and fun to learn about these things.

anyways, since i was sooo busy before during my apprenticeship....remember i was advertising myself as a cook for hire? well im back for business since ive got free time and no money! ahahahahaha! just call or sms me to talk about details on what you'd like for me to prepare! hire me! i cook for money!! ahahahahaha! (hmm...sounds catchy!) ^__~

well...as i await for "clients"...i'll be going now and do my reports first then maybe i can start my jams tomorrow...till next time guys! take care! au revior! *mwah*

ive returned from reality

2007-06-12T12:50:00.000+08:00

being in Mandarin gave me so much more good things than what i can actually complain about!! it was tough work all through out my 2-months apprenticeship but i dont regret a single thing. i learned so many new things, made some mistakes, caused some accidents and met new friends along the way! ^__~ my chosen field of career is a path that's not to be taken lightly. its not always the glitz, glamour and success that people always see in tv (lifestyle channel). because before all that, tremendous hard work and perseverance came first which not alot of people take into consideration. from the stories i heard and learned from my superiors in Mandarin, i respect them more than ever and thank them for the guidance they have given me! for the days of tears and pain that ive yet to experience, i look forward for that day when i will grow and become stronger than before! my 2-months apprenticeship is now done and over....time to go back to my school books and graduate soon!! but i will never forget my first tastes of reality in the working world!!!

last day at Mandarin Oriental, Manila (June 9, 2007: Friday)
Locker girlz!! Aubrey! Dianne! Roxanne! Kim!
Chef Neil!!! Chef de Partie: Chef Mario!!

Paseo Uno's Western Kitchen Group!

Sous-Chef: Chef Kiko!

the last item i made before i left...

Party at Giligan's Island (June 11, 2007: Monday)

and so...i learn from experience...

2007-05-27T17:21:00.000+08:00

finally got internet connection through Globelines Broadband!! anyways...ive been soooo busy lately with my OJT...its almost 2 months since ive been working for free at Mandarin Oriental now. i am currently stationed at Paseo Uno...every morning im at the Western section then during lunch hours im at Martini's. that's just a quick update for what ive been up to...but what i really want to write right now is this....

Pare, busted ako!!!! Puñeta!!! Tapos wala pa kong ginagawa ah!!!

*sighs* just wanted to get that out of my chest...grabe!! the weird thing is...i dont regret any of it....im just feeling extremely annoyed right now...during my stay at Mandarin...I became friendly with this other trainee girl who's from St. Scho...i was pretty honest and straightforward to my intentions..(i just asked her out on a "friendly" date)..so i think i just blew it with that.. >___< Ganito pala yung feeling na busted!!! Langya!! *sighs* And so...another day ends...and a new one begins!!! i'll be meeting up with Miren and Keight on wednesday! Sleepover!! Yaaay!! I am so drinking!!!! >__________<

im still alive!!

2007-03-27T15:46:00.000+08:00

heya people!! after such a long time...i still have no internet connection!! ahahahaha!! i cant believe this!! >___< im just now borrowing my cousin's computer to check my emails and at least update this aging blog of mine!! >__O

anyways, i'll just do a quick update..as ive said before my internship starts right after holy week, april 10 and ends june 8...2 months work without pay...and where you ask? well...i got in Mandarin!! ^___^ im soo happy i got in such a great and well-known hotel!! although pressure there is considerably high since Chef Norbert (our sorta-like school dean if you put it in regular school terms) WAS the executive-chef of Mandarin before. but that's where i'll really be put to the test! i hope i dont screw up!! >__<

aside from the whole internship thing, for the past 2 weeks of kitchen school we've been doing buffets!! the first week we did breakfast buffets!! it was really fun and funny at the same time since we were having breakfast food during lunch!! this week we're having all different kinds of appetizers as buffet food...yummy!! working in the buffet line is a lot fun and its obviously different from the usual ala-carte style we do. but i must admit its really tiring!!! on most mornings, i really have to force myself to get up from my bed when my body feels sooo stiff and tired...but its all good and worth it!! ^___^V

well just a quick update of my life....more to come soon....if i ever get my internet connection again!! T-T

till next time guys, take care!!! ^___~

internship

2007-03-03T10:43:00.000+08:00

my internship officially starts on april 10 and ends on june 8 but prior to that i'll be very busy with all the paper work, resumes, job interviews and preparations.... >___< im really excited about it but at the same time really really nervous.....by monday i'll know where my placement is...meaning i'll know which hotel i could possible work for... O__o

well aside from that...i still have to do my salad presentation (im doing a panzanella salad, its an italian bread salad)...and i also have to finish my cheese powerpoint report. >__O yes, cheese!! ahehehehe....we also were suppose to have a cheese tasting session...but REAL cheeses are expensive...so never mind...oh well...

and another thing, im writing this in a net cafe...yes, my internet is busted again...i must say pldt dsl has very sloppy service!! im suppose to write down today the menu im offering for my "Cook for Hire" service!!!

im selling out my skills already so i can earn some money myself...so i can buy some new equipment...coz frankly, culinary items are not very light on the pocket...so i hope by this i can also lessen myself being a burden to my parents who are having a hard time as it is already...but with all this internship preparations...i guess i have to put this whole idea on hold for now...ugh... 2 months of work..aaah!! 2 months without chef Pauline!!! >______< must withstand!!! ahahahahahahhahaha!!!!

i'll just let you guys know what hotel i could be working at soon...till next time, ciao!! ^___~

i cant believe im actually writing this... O__o

2007-02-22T20:39:00.000+08:00

earlier today, my classmates were kidding around that i'll be writing in my "diary" on how today is the best day ever! it sounded so corny and funny yet look at this!! im actually doing it!! ahahahahaha!! okay let me tell you how my day went today....

nothing out of the ordinary really...except that we've been having Chef Pauline as our lecturer for the past week already...and im loving it! why? well, for the simple reason that i have a crush on Chef Pauline!! ^___^ i didnt realize that i was crushing on her already till last week only...anyways, as much as possible i stay active in her lectures...and every break time i'd always try and make small talk with her...like asking about the best ingredients to use for whatever, the best place to buy...etc. and it was funny when i was at the comfort room fixing my hair..Chef Pauline went in to wash her hands...so i started to small talk with her again...i said that i was really impressed by how much she knows where to buy good ingredients and what those ingredients' packaging actually looks like! she replied that with so many companies asking her to make alternative market products (like those 5 peso cup cakes, ever wonder how they sell it so cheap?) its part of the job already, to research and know about these things. well she left with a smile and i was just smiling like a goof when my classmate went out of the cubicle! she knows about how i like Chef Pauline...so she was all like "ooooh!!! yiheee!!!" i literally felt my face turn red!! O__O but it was funny as well!! and then, after lunch...the pastry group brought out their show plate of strawberry dumplings to the entrance hall...everybody where taking pictures of it...and Chef Pauline was just standing beside the dumplings...so...i stole her picture!!! >_____< *flees*

my other classmate actually saw me took the picture...and he just laughed. >__O

anyways, aside from those kilig moments in school, i was approached by our split-personality faculty admin, Ms. Lotees...she asked if i could stay behind in school and help out with Chef Norbert's short course. i naturally said yes. i like helping out with the short courses..its good experience and additional reviews for my recipes! unfortunatley, i suddenly ate my words...i remembered i have a recipe quiz tomorrow!! whaaaa!! oh well....i'll just cram it later... O__o im just soooo tired after working....but its the good kind of tired-feeling....

and yes...even if its sooo corny...i'll say it again..today has been the best day of my week!!!

i love sleeping with my friends...

2007-02-18T18:41:00.000+08:00

no, its not an orgy!! pervert!! LOL. ^__~ in the longest time i haven't seen Miren and Keight, we finally hanged out with each other yesterday. i picked up keight at her house...then as we drove on the highway we tried to decide where we'd go and meet Miren..the choices were: Rockwell, Eastwood, Greenbelt, Market-Market and Gateway. i exited at c-5 to buy us some time while we decide where we want to go, since c-5 exit always have this long line for the toll gate. by the time i paid my toll, we were able to decide where we wanted to go, Rockwell. but as i was driving...i realized, "how do we get to Rockwell from c-5?!" im not exactly a genius when it comes with directions. >__< so the usual 30-40 min drive took us an hour and a half before we got to Rockwell!! ahahahahaha!! yes, we got lost somehow...but we managed to get back on track!! ^___^ its fun!! and i noticed that whenever me and keight go on a "road trip" we always get ourselves lost!! ahahahahaha!! adventure?

when we got there the first thing we did was buy movie tickets for The Holiday...we bought the last film show which was 10:30pm. then we went to Mediterranean cafe and met up with Miren there. we had a wonderful Grecian dinner!! ^___^ afterwards we just went window shopping and i bought myself a strong cup of coffee before the movie. just to help me get by, plus im designated driver on the way back...so no sleeping on the job!! the movie was good, although it was extremely long!!! it finished like 12:30am already!! >__O well the drive back to Miren's house was fairly easy since traffic was light. i love sleep overs!!! it makes me feel so relaxed being with my friends and not to mention happy. there's always this secure feeling i get when i sleep among friends like them. i love them to death!! we tried to watch a movie before sleeping, Havana Nights: Dirty Dancing...but our bodies cant keep up...so we just turned off the tv and slept... ^___^ (Miren!!! thanks again for everything and for breakfast!! ahehehe..)

oh! even before that...last friday, i met up with Sharina and Rose!! the last time i saw them was graduation day!! omg!! that long already!??! O___O but it was great to see them again!! i missed them so much! even if it was just for a few hours...it was really fun!! since that was a friday and my car was color coded on fridays...i had to leave my car at home and commute...so after classes last friday, i commuted all the way from katipunan to makati!!! it was no big really...since it was easy to get around with the LRT2 and MRT near-by...oh!! i love LRT2!! its sooo kewl!! its like i was in hong kong!! ahehehehe....

i feel so relaxed and refresh now!! i'd say that this was the best weekend for me for the start of the new year so far!!!! im energized and ready to battle-out whatsoever comes my way!! ^___^

till next time, take care guys!! love ya!! *mwah*

hellish week

2007-02-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

pressure built up inside and it was just too much that i couldnt handle...i said to myself i was going to stand up for myself...but what happened back there? i totally lost ground from where i stood...deep inside i always think that they'd stop at some point...get tired of it somehow....i can stand up for myself if i wanted to...but the repercussions scare me so much that i'd rather not try at all.....

what a hellish way to start my weekend...but it will get better hopefully.....i just need to learn....or rather i need to find my confidence somewhere....i perfectly know that i've done nothing wrong from the start....so what fault have i done? this is just too much high drama for one week...

i should really stop...

2007-02-08T19:02:00.000+08:00

i really should....but i cant...but i must....i have to...if i want to...PASS!!!!

i must refrain from procrastinating so much and loitering around the net....but its so much fun!!! ahahahahahahaha!!!

tomorrow's my Meat exam retake...yes, you read that right...RETAKE...ive taken the huge plunge since i started school...even the Chefs who knew me well were pretty surprised i was part of the group who'd be taking the retake...ugh...i have a good excuse for it though!! i really do!! i just studied too much for it!! ^___~ no kid!! through out the holidays i was studying like mad for my midterms....but when it finally came down to it...i grazed over my exams...luckily i passed all of it except for this one, the Meats....bleh....so i'll do better this time...but even if i get a line of 90 for this retake...since it is a retake...they'll only give me a 75...oh well...its better than a 73 (my original score)...ugh....

so for now...enjoy this clip entitled "im not a lesbian"...its so funny you have to watch it!! even if you're not queer like me!! ^___~

PS. I just finished watching the movie "Saving Face"...its such a good lezzy movie!!!! one of the best comedy-lez films ive seen so far...but i also cant recommend "Loving Annabelle" enough!! that one just takes the cake of all lez movies!!! lol. ^___^

Rome and Juliet

2007-02-07T19:56:00.000+08:00

(taken from AngLadlad.com yahoo-group message board )

ROME & JULIET

A Very Sexy, Provocative and Daring Indie Movie on Valentine's Day

With its aim to introduce groundbreaking movies, Cinema One Originals
proudly presents the screening of the critically acclaimed digital
film Rome & Juliet starting February 14 at the Indie Sine Theater of
Robinsons Galleria Movieworld at Ortigas Center.

Starring Mylene Dizon and Andrea del Rosario, and directed by Connie
S.A. Macatuno, the story follows the romantic journey and soul mating
of two straight women who plunge in forbidden love. The film
confronts issues concerning taboo affairs and sexual norms.

When a conservative pre-school teacher (Andrea del Rosario) hires a
liberated wedding planner (Mylene Dizon) for her nuptials, they
become close and develop a romance that becomes a huge scandal after
the groom and their families discover their affair. Together, they
face the trials of their unconventional relationship.

The plot which revolves around facing one's self and detouring from
the norms in the name of love, is in itself very stimulating, added
by the mixture of sexiness and realism in the movie. It masterfully
blends everyday dialogues with passionate and sexually-charged love
scenes (several frontal exposures from Dizon and del Rosario are to
be expected, even Rafael Rosell was daring) between couples and
unlikely pairing that will shock and fuel the viewers inner desires.

Viewers, jurors and critics perceived Rome & Juliet as the most
commercially viable digital film among the seven final entries in the
Cinema One Originals Digital Film Festival last 2006.

The film also got positive reviews from columnists and critics for
its bravery and setting itself to be a medium exploring the hidden
and unpredictable emotions that define our nature as humans. Mario
Bautista noted in his Freehand column in People's Journal that
the "love scenes between Mylene and Andrea have much commercial
appeal and they're wonderfully integrated in the story."

Rome & Juliet was also selected to have an exhibition at the New York
International Independent Film and Video Festival. The selection
panel has given them excellent reviews for the movie's very good
image quality, solid story and believable performances.

Rome and Juliet also stars Miko Palanca, Lui Villaruz, Joshua
Deocareza, Glydel Mercado, CJ Mercado and featuring Ms. Tessie Tomas.

Experience this daring and thought-provoking film when it opens on
Valentine's Day February 14 in theater exclusively at Robinsons
Galleria Movieworld. Rome & Juliet is produced by Creative Programs
Inc. (CPI) thru the Cinema One Originals digital movie project.

I want to watch this movie!!! but i have kitchen week... T-T huhuhu....i hope i can find time or...a good excuse so i can sneak out and watch this!!!! it sounds really good!!!

i need an automobile education!!!

2007-02-02T16:33:00.000+08:00

awww man!!! what a week!!! ive been so busy with school... staying in school till late night helping out the Chefs with the short course....really tiring!! but enjoyable!! ^__^ and then today....omg! my classmates, David and Blueberry, hitched a ride with me on the way home...

i was driving through C-5 when suddenly we heard a "plop-plop-plop" sound....apparently my right rear tire blew up!!! it was so weird coz i didnt panic to start....i was thinking of calling daddy!!! ahehehe....but im lucky that David is a car expert!!! he changed the tire while i "redirected" the traffic we caused!!! ahahahahahahaha!!! David was really cool with the whole tire changing thing...he got it done within 10 minutes flat!!!! *sighs* im just sooo lucky!! and eternally grateful to David!! (most likely he'll be having my dessert in school for a week) ^___^

i really wouldnt know what to do if i'd be alone aside from calling daddy!! ^___~

oh well...im so glad its the weekend already!!!! time to finish some over due drawings....relax and prepare myself for the next week!!! till next time!!!

i want that shirt!!!!!

2007-01-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

"All the good ones are GAY!!!!"

i saw that print on a shirt in AM-BLVD. i literally laughed out loud!!! i wanted to buy it immediatly..but then when i was looking around...i figured the only sizes they would have is small, extra small, tiny and anorexic!!!! geeez...well if i cant fit in that shirt...i'll make my own!!! i used to do that...shirt prints...we used to have this special paper where we print our design and just iron it on the shirt and the design transfers to the shirt!! it was really cool!!! i just have to find that special paper...if i cant...i can always go textiles paint.. =D

thank you!!!

2007-01-16T11:09:00.000+08:00

thanks to all the people who greeted me on my birthday (last Jan. 14)!!! because of my midterms i didnt had any celebration party whatsoever...but it touches my heart so much that people whom i didnt expect to remember greeted me with so such enthusiaism!! ^___^V thank you everybody for making my day!!!

belated happy birthday to my sister, Mica (Jan. 13); to Mayette (Jan. 15) and Happy birthday to Kagz who's bday is today!!! ^___~

*sunod-sunod yung mga bday namin!! ahehehehe....

well tomorrow is the last day of my exams!! i cant wait for this to be over!!!!

im back (for now..)

2007-01-11T07:49:00.000+08:00

eyo peeps!!! ive got connection already!! although right now im in the middle of my midterms...it extends through out till next week....so in short im just procrastinating now to updated my ageing blog!! lol. ^^;

oh...im still using the pldt dsl...i was told that the wireless broadband internet of either Smart or Globe was incredibly slow...so we just reconnected back to pldt dsl except with the plan 995 this time...whew! easy on the wallets this time!! a bit slower than usual but still tolerable...

ive obviously got tons of pictures...but no time right now to upload 'em....since i'll be leaving any minute to go to Farmer's Market...i'll be shopping for the ingredients i need for my hands-on midterms exam...hooeeee......im nervous!!!! its tomorrow already!! i cant believe it!! so fast...

anyways...a short recap of what has happened over the past 3 weeks of my internet-less life...(i missed out on so much...in terms of downloading and watching anime)

had the first annual barkada christmas party! (t'was a blast!!!)
had a life-changing revelation =D
cooked alot for my family and during the holiday events as well...(got really tired..bleh..)
studied during the holidays!! (such a dork)
tried drawing again...but wasnt able to fully appreciate the outcome...i wonder when will i get my "groove" back...i miss it... =(
watched Loving Annabelle 6 times already (i love it...such a great captivating story plot and great actresses as well!!!)

well...that was what happened to me....right now...whenever i find my free time...i watch the first season of The L Word...coz currently season 4 is already showing at the U.S....so in preparation for that....im just watching it again...besides i loved the first season the 2nd and third just went downhill after that...my favorite was when Dana hooked up with sous-chef Lara Perkins in season 1..they were so cute together...too bad the producers thought of killing Dana with breast cancer in season 3....stupid asses!!! oh well...that's hollywood for you...

oh! in another note...i already wrote my "coming-out" letter for my parents last December..(so Christmassy spirit, isnt it?)...but i have yet to give it to them...i dont know when...i have no idea if i can even find my courage to give it...i just got it done...wrote all my pure-rare-honest thoughts in the letter....so...in the time being....i'll enjoy the present...forget the past and worry the future later!! lol. ^___^V

till next time guys!! keep it real!!! *mwah*

will be out cold for awhile...

2006-12-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

we're switching to the smart broadband internet coz the pldt dsl fees are too much of a burden now.. (our plan was the 1,995php..) more explanation on my DA journal...check it out!!

till next time guys!!

finally!!!!!!!

2006-12-05T17:25:00.000+08:00

i got my chance to work with my chefs this weekend!!!!! im so excited!!! oh...let me just explain for those who have no idea what im talking about...

for the past few months ive been pestering our admin. secretary, who obviously loves to play favouritisms, to let me come to school every saturday to help the Chefs on their short-course lectures....in a way, id be an "apprentice" to them... ^___^ but our admin secretary, Ms. Lotees...she likes to play favouritism and doesnt like to give me the chance to help out (willingly, even!)...but now....this weekend, our Chefs have this big catering event for a baptismal party!! and they're short-staff....after knowing that, i volunteered myself to the oppurtunity...

but Ms. Lotees immediatly turned me down saying she already chose 12 students who would participate...(i got really pissed..just not infront of her..)

thankfully my classmate, Hershey (who's a favorite of Ms. Lotees), helped me out! It turns out Ms. Lotees havent chosen any students at all yet and that she was actually having a hard time to pursuade the students to agree....Hershey helped me big time!! ^___^ im so grateful for her!!! Hershey was the one who spoke to Ms. Lotees to let me help out since i was willingly already!!

it feels like this would be my first "job" as an apprentice.... ^___^

for the whole day of saturday i'd be in school to prepare misc-en-place [french for things in place, basically all the prep-work for ingredients, etc.]...then sunday would be the catering event....and it would be during the evening...so who knows what time i'd get home?! but maybe i'll just sleep over at my classmates house...just to make things less complicated for me....

*sighs* i cant wait!!!! i just hope i dont screw up!!!

2-week recap

2006-12-02T18:06:00.000+08:00

i havent posted anything for a while now....so let me just recap on what has happened to me for the past 2 weeks...

enjoyed the birthday celebration of my neice which was a family bowling tournament at EAstwood!!! we even got medals as souveneirs!! ahahahahaha!! ^___^

Christine came over to my house...and i made her dinner!! ^__^V (poached chicken with chive cream sauce and mashed potato with roasted garlic and cilantro and sauteed asparagus)

my brother was finally wed last Sunday!! ^__^V i dont have all the pictures yet...but i'll post them as soon as i get a hold of it...

finally made my presentation for school...cook any meat dish at home, just like what i did 2 months ago with fish & seafood...i made herb crusted roasted lamb chops with lyonnaise sauce and couscous and salad greens with balsamic vinegrette!!

and...i finally had my hair chopped again!! ahahahaha!! if the people who've seen me with short hair before can remember what i look like...well...that's it...with the addition of highlights!! yep, i had them put dark purple-somewhat-red highlights on my hair!! ahahahahahaha!! it was fun!! ^___^ unfortunatlely i still dont have pictures of my current hairdo for now...

so...that's what has happened to me for the past 2 weeks....oh!! and just recently the school informed us about the midterm schedule....its after our Christmas break, the week of my birthday!! great!! i have no birthday!! T-T and in addition to that, we have to prepare our resumes already for our job interviews...its part of our curriculum to have a 2-month apprenticeship...which will also happen after the midterms...soooo...i will really have no birthday at all!!!! i'll be too busy... >___< well other than that....i just feel so overwhelmed by it all!! the midterms...the apprenticeship....uugggh......whenever i just think about it i go into my "praning" mode.... O__o my midterms, by the way, is a hands-on practical exam....i'll be assigned to a kitchen and a recipe to cook on my own...which the chefs will judge and grade me...cooking alone in a huge kitchen isn't much of a problem...but when real chefs look at you when you're working.....they kinda have the way of crumbling one's little confidence one has. oh well...i just have to endure it and hope to get things right in the end...

so that's it for now....till next time guys!! ^___~

im finally a normal lesbian!!!!

2006-11-18T15:47:00.000+08:00

something went wrong to my chatterbox...it suddenly disappeared...i had to register for a new one...sheeesh.....oh well......anyways...

about the title...ahahaha....let me explain...i was worried because i didn't have my period last month....and i got worried since November is drawing to a close and still nothing...and just for your information i am not pregnant!!! sheeeesh.....highly unlikely...anyways....yesterday in school, when i went to the C.R....lo-and-behold! i recieved my answer!! i finally got my red flag....i really got worried coz Evie told me it might be some hormonal imbalance that im having....ahahahahahaha....hormonal imbalance!!! i guess it was just stress that made my red flag stop for a month.....

going back to my last post about my insistent classmates teasing...they were telling me that maybe my "hormonal imbalance" was causing me to cross the fence again towards Bodjie...well thank God i'm normal again!!! ahahahaha...in reality i dont really mind about it....i actually just laugh about it coz its REALLY funny....although they take my laughter for another reason such as a "kilig"...i'll just let them believe what they want...just as long they wont cross the line like setting up a date or something....oh God...i pray that won't ever come!!!

in other things....the Pastry people have done their Christmas tradition again this year...which was a life-size gingerbread house!! its really made out of gingerbread!! so every morning now...when i get to school....the smell of gingerbread would waft around the building....really nice feeling....lets you know that Christmas is near already... took some pictures and one of it i took with Chef Uli...i like him!! he's such a nice chef!! ^___^

plus last wednesday, we had our first kitchen practical exam...in which we were suppose to coordinate with ourselves and get organize in the kitchen to be able to dish out 135 plates by 11:30am without any help from the Chef.. O__o

it seemed impossible at first...but we were able to pull through!!! it was a great achievement for the class....we got a 91 for it!!! we served...Oven Roasted Chicken with tarragon sauce, mashed potatoes and glazed carrots.. ^___~

tomorrow is my niece's birthday and she's holding a family bowling tournament at Eastwood as a party!! which will be really cool!! i cant wait!!! after serving 135 people everyday...having fun and just bumming during the short weekend is what i really need!! *sighs*

btw, guys.....i miss you na!!! let's meet up sometime!! text me!!!! ^____^V

so how's life for anna so far??

2006-11-14T15:09:00.000+08:00

tired from school lately.....our section has been feeding 135 pax everyday since Batch 4 graduated already!!! *whew* anyways...aside from that, my classmates have been teasing me to Bodjie, my classmate!!!!! its annoying....i swear!!

at first, i just ride along with the joke...play around and stuff...but how long does a joke last?! sheeesh.....(k8, i now know how you feel....how do you survive this?!?!) now lately, Bodjie has been borrowing my stuff...like my Meat manual and side towel....and it was so emabarassing last week...when we had a quiz...we passed our notebooks to Chef Manoj then Chef gave it out to different people to check....he gave my notebook to Bodjie...and the usual cries of my crazy classmates rose!!! T-T Chef Manoj grinned like his usual "whoa,whoa,whoa!" grin!!! (only people who know Chef Manoj would actually know what would that mean)

my classmates who know im gay are now telling me that maybe im just 1/4 now...no longer 1/2.... O__o

and to add to that, one of them asked me....."what if ligawan ka nga ni Bodjie? Papabayaan mo lang ba? Ano gagawin mo? Maybe nasa phase ka lang..."

i didnt really answer her...i was going to crack a joke when she asked me that...but she was asking me seriously that i suddenly lost the nerve for my humor....

but...what would i really do??!??!!??!!

after much thought...nothing really...its his choice for whatever he does...
coz for now.....whatever i am...whoever i am...will be staying in me for a while...and that's why i love myself so much!!! ^___~

how was my day?

2006-11-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

no words can describe my feelings right now...

today was just simply great!!!

that's it...

the ice princesses and the snow queen

2006-11-01T20:18:00.000+08:00

today is all saint's day...and as the usual tradition...the whole familia hermanos went to the cemetary and lighted candles, brought flowers and prayed for grandpa and grandma...after which we all decided to go home and finally rest from the tiring and hot afternoon...but my cousins suddenly thought otherwise....

as soon as i got home...i took a bath and changed...i became the designated driver(slash)chaperon for my little neices and cousins...we went to the mall of asia for the sole purpose of ice skating....

when we got to the rink...the line was pretty long...so the other half waited in line...and my half of the kids went with me and ate at mcdonald's while waiting! ^__^ the kids were really excited about ice skating...and every 15 mins...from above the ceiling...they would spray out "snow" to the rink...

when were getting ready to get in the rink...i was surprised to learn that none of them knew how to ice skate...except for me [ive ice skated a hundred times before in sm megamall and south mall]....sooo...as soon as we got in the rink...the kids were all grabbing from the sides and just trying to keep their legs straight....and every time i would go near them...they would all try to grab hold of me....it was really funny....and not to mention tiring as well!!!

they took turns as i tried to teach each of them how to skate...i was only given 2 or 3 times to skate by myself around the rink! lol. nevertheless...it was fun!! oh...and the supposed "snow" that falls every 15 mins... it was actually just some kind of foam... O__o we called it shampoo!! ahahahaha...

on the way home...my neices were sooo jumpy and hyper in the car!! i guess the first experience of their ice skating is pretty memorable now...they called themselves the ice princesses [from the ice skating move, Ice Princess] and me the snow queen!! ^___~

ahehehehe.....

we took photos while we were in the rink...but its with my cousin...when she emails 'em to me...i'll post it here... ^___^

im really tired...but i really enjoyed it as well...ice skating might be a regular activity again for me soon...

tomorrow...nikki's coming over to my house...we'll be just watching all the new animes all day long... ^___^V

*note to self: clean room....EXTREMELY clean it!!!

well...till next time!! ciao!!

p.s. rose....baka di ako makalabas sa saturday.. T-T may family affair kami sa sunday tapos gusto ng dad ko ako magluto para sa handaan...so kailangan ko mag ayos sa sabado pa lang....soweee....text mo lang ako kung kailan ka libre...next week lecture week ako, so half day ako...we can still meet up at the mall of asia if you want...next week?? hangang kailan break mo ba?? basta!! we will meet up before you go back to school, k?? ^____________^

okaaaay....

2006-10-29T20:06:00.000+08:00

im all right now...mentally, i mean.. ^___~

although im not so good physically right now....been feeling under the weather....slight sore throat, coughs...and my usual colds which have gotten worse due to bad weather...oh well...i dont mind it...i feel much better than usual now.. ^___^

i have school tomorrow and friday...i have no school on tuesday until thursday....kinda sucks that it falls in the middle of the week....tempting to skip classes...but i rather not...it would be such a waste if i did...

i was suppose to post some pictures here since i havent been doing that lately....but im pressed for time right now....i'll be leaving soon to go to mass....when i get back, i'll try and post the pix....

on other things.....im excited for saturday!!! i'll be going out with Rose and the others!!! i havent seen them for soooo long already!!!!!! i hope everybody could come!! see you guys soon!!! ^______^V

for the time being....enjoy this funny video i saw on youtube...people familiar with the game Tomb Raider:Lara Croft will laugh out loud...like me!! ^___~

not exactly how i imagined my day would be...

2006-10-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

went out today with miren and keight....first to the mall of asia then makati cinema square....

and yet the most stupidest things and embarrassing as well happened....

while we were on our way back to the parking lot from makati cinema square...i realized the car keys weren't in my pocket....AGAIN....

i felt so imcompetent....

i called my dad...AGAIN...aalll the waaaay from bicutan he came to makati for the spare key....i felt sooo bad and stupid at the same time...never knew being bad and stupid could go so well together!?

it wasnt enough that ive been feeling so crappy lately...this had to happen....

once i got inside the car.....i screamed sooo much that i wanted to let out so many things....of which i dont know what to let go of first....unfortunately for miren and k8 they had to see me like that....[sorry about that guys....i really am..]

my mother said im sick coz i keep forgetting my car keys....*sneers* yea...i am sick in sooo many ways...well aside from that...my parents didnt really say much about my forgetful car key incidentS....

im basically just frustrated at myself....

thoughts from the depths of my deluded mind

2006-10-24T09:09:00.001+08:00

[officially at this moment...i will be typing whatever i have in mind..regardless of what people may think of me...these would be my rare moments of honesty]

not to sound conceited but just to state an honest truth that somewhere at the back of my mind.... i know that i'll be able to reach my present goals....to get good grades...to graduate...and work as a chef...basically just to be able to earn for myself independently...

with little effort...just by following whatever people say to me....

then i suddenly i feel a piercing pain through my body.....will i just flow through without effort? in reality, i feel no drive at all. i just do whatever people tell me to. do it right and get it done right.

im so bored with my life. can i just die now? oh..wait that would actually need my effort...to die...would it even matter at all?

all i have are acquaintances in school...i actually tried to make an effort to be close friends with some....it just doesnt really work...i am a child with "virgin" ears. whatever they said....its annoying when i try to mentally grow up to their level of thinking....sometimes i understand...sometimes i dont...to ask with would be an ignorant thing to do....not to ask would even be more stupid....sex is the daily topic....culinary itinerary would be the daily worry...and the hateful faculty staff would always be there.

everything is so monotonous....its so predictable already.....

maybe im just having mood swings coz i might have my period soon...??? maybe...who knows, hormones are always a mysterious wonder....right now...i just feel like ranting on to whatever i have in mind....

like this for instance....is virginity still a sacred chastity that must be protected? O__o not to scare the religious devotees...just stating a random question....from my daily conversations from people in school...it doesnt really matter anymore..."im still virgin emotionally, not just physically" yea right...the importance of it...for whatever reason it is important for...doesnt matter anymore...

what was i talking about again?? oh...who cares! i'll just keep ranting on right now....i feel so frustrated...with everything....and i dont know why...hey!! maybe it is hormones!!! or maybe im just crazy....

like miren said..."i need a vice"...does porn count? ahahahahaha!! why deny the truth? im sooo going to hell now... maybe im high...well...i havent drank anything....yet....

if i was purely honest to whatever i think and say....would my friends still be my friends?? i feel like everything im doing is a facade....if i put myself outright "raw"...would anyone care to come near me? why am i even putting a facade in the first place?

what the hell is wrong with me?! better to just kill myself than say anything unwanted....

eternally unrequited

2006-10-23T19:50:00.000+08:00

i was thinking for quite some time now...when was i ever really "in-love"? and i remembered nostalgic memories of my childhood days...innocent and sweet, yet naive to reality...

i was in grade 5 and i was still riding in a school bus before. and sometime during the middle of the school year...there was a new student...a year younger than me...she was cute with a lovely smile...and we quickly became close friends. although we were in different grade levels, somehow it didnt matter..before school, we'd sit beside each other making a ruckus so early in the morning [which caused the other people in the bus to wake up and get mad. lol.] and after school, on the way home, we'd tell stories of how our day went...and usually, she would sing to me...she has the most beautiful singing voice i have ever heard. or sometimes, when all energy was gone...we'd just sleep side-by-side...it felt so real back then...when other things didnt matter..

but soon, we grew up...and realized the differences..still...we made an effort of holding the "friendship" together...when she was already in grade 5 and i was in grade 6. she wasn't a bus rider anymore...so every morning, i would go to her class and wait for her arrival. her classmates soon took notice of me...and started making side-comments...but she didnt mind them at all. whenever she would see me outside, she would always run out and we'd go to the cafetorium and just talk about anything. it was really nice...those early mornings...somtimes we wouldn't say anything at all...just the comfort of being together for a moment was enough. well...she never finished her school year, since she had to move away again.

to be able to sit with someone and not say anything at all and yet feel so comfortable...i wonder if i'll ever find that feeling again....my first love....

~~~~on a side note~~~~
i've actually got not only a first love....but a failed love as well...many people know that already...then what else...uhhh...crushes..yes...plural form!! for the eternally unattainable..lol... ^__^ love in progress...*smirks*yea right...that's empty right now!! ahahahaha!!

from a very famous text quote.. "people say love makes the world go 'round...so does 10 shots of tequila...what's their point?"

do i have sem breaks??

2006-10-21T13:52:00.000+08:00

well Rose, to answer your question...i decided to write a blog entry about it.... ^___~

NO!!

*stomps foot and pulls hair out of frustration*

anyways....it sucks!!!! i dont have any sem breaks!! on october 31-november 2 i have no classes...its so annoying...i have classes on monday and friday!!! plus its kitchen week so i cant exactly skip it...damn....

the longest break i'll ever have is my Christmas break which lasts for 2 weeks...oh...have i mentioned i have no summer vacation as well??

tuloy-tuloy 'toh hangang mag-graduate ako!!! patigasan na lang 'pre!!

ahehehehe....oh well....

i'll be blunt...this is what i want..

2006-10-15T11:47:00.000+08:00

its not too early to make a wish list for Christmas!! its midway october already!! ^___^ for the people who are wondering what gift/s they can give me..here's a list!! ahehehehe...

pasta maker (the lil' machine where you just crank the lever to flatten the dough)
potato ricer a.k.a. potato masher
pepper mill
mandoline
electric hand blender/mixer
soup ladles, metal spatulas and wooden spoons
non-stick [teflon] 8" pan
14" diameter plain-colored plates (no designs on the plate pls) [for presentations and platings]
cast-iron wok

ooookaaaay.....so my wish list is pretty high...and long...that's why its called a WISH list!! "how i wish i have those" anyways...those are the equipments that im actually saving money for...im investing on alot of equipment these days...culinary arts is no walk in the park...*sighs* but its very rewarding nonetheless...but i'd be really ecstatic if someone would actually give me any of the above mentioned items for Christmas or my birthday...coz then you'll know i'd be putting your gift for me into good use!! ^__^ ahehehe....im giving this a long shot...who knows...

for other gift ideas... ^__~

Black Crocs!! [i need new kitchen clogs...mine hurts!]
the big black round rabbit doll in comic alley..[also known as mokona...sooo cute!!]
new hard drive for laptop...[downloading waaaay too many things at one time..]
one-year subscription to FOOD magazine [im subscribed to COOK]
"Field Guide to Meats" [its a reference book found in Fully Booked]
"Field Guide to Produce"
Or any general-information book about Meats, Seafoods, Dairy, etc...for my reference use.

so far...that's what's in my mind...not much really...just things that i could use...if someone would actually take this list seriously...i dont mind if that person wont give me a birthday gift anymore!! i'd be eternally grateful...because...honestly, these stuff arent cheap at all... T-T

ok, ok, ok...ive been typing all the things i want...how about you?? what do YOU want for Christmas?? ^__~

waaaaah!!!!!

2006-10-12T14:12:00.000+08:00

stupid! stupid! stupid anna!!! oh my god....i just got home from the mall nearby....i commuted going home today and left my car at the mall parking lot....because of all things to forget was my car keys INSIDE the car!!!! im soooo stupid!!! thankfully my dad has the spare...so i'll be going back for it later....but im just so frustrated at the fact of leaving the keys inside the car!!! dammit!!!

HAPPY BDAY CHRISTINE!!!!

2006-10-10T14:52:00.000+08:00

i hope you got my text message!!! and i hope you had a great day today!! happy birthday lady!!! ^___~ love ya!!

random trivia...

2006-10-07T15:00:00.000+08:00

i was just browsing thru the net and saw this trivia about the month of october.. [in short i was just procrastinating].

[this is where my fave anime Kannazuki no Miko was roughly based upon]. The word "kannazuki" is actually the old Japanese name for October. According to legends, all the gods of Shinto gather in the province of Izumo during October, thus there are no gods everywhere else and it is called the "godless month".

whodathunk? ^__~

SALVATION!!!

2006-10-06T16:33:00.000+08:00

we have power people!!! power i say!!! ^____^ 6 days without any electricity....aww man!! i couldnt believe it!!! that long!! tuesday at 11:00pm we got our power back....but it took awhile to fix up our internet again...since we removed all of the wiring because the rain water seeped through our windows!! *sighs* it was so hard to endure without internet....i felt like i missed out on soo many things!! >__O yes, that's how big internet is in my life!! lol. anyways...i have a lot of things to download now....since my daily rotation of anime downloads got clogged up by the black out...oh well....

in other news....school has been pretty hectic....things i learned so far while working in the kitchen...

there is no place for sympathy in the kitchen
work fast but accurate in the kitchen
know what you are doing and why you are doing it
don't talk about anyone to avoid back stabbing
better yet...just work dont talk...remembering the simple rule in ACP: obey now, complain later
and the famous filipino saying, "trabaho lang, walang personalan."

there was a lot of tension in the kitchen lately...due to some internal conflict between my other classmates...i had no idea about it...i was just minding my own business...then all of the sudden, all hell broke loose infront of me...two of my classmates were fighting... >___<

this just keeps adding up to the already bad name of my section....we had an open forum after that incident to fix everything once and for all....everybody told their own opinions and complaints....and worked things out....hopefully things will be much smoother from now on...

oh....and last wednesday...during asian cooking...we were deboning 40 pieces of whole chicken...everybody was so engrossed to the chicken that we forgot the other ingredients!!!! our chef got mad at us!! he made the guys duck-walk around the kitchen 20 times...and he made us, the girls, write what was the reason why we didnt do the other ingredients..."we forgot"!!! we had to write that small phrase 200 times!!!! X___X

ive never been soo happy for the weekend to come!!!! im so tired!! and to think i only went to school for 4 days this week and yet it really took alot out of me.....well...next week is just lecture week.... but doesnt exactly mean i can relax...just means i have to study more now...time to work on the theory side of cooking!!

by the way....i am seriously looking for people who wants to taste my food....i cook every sunday...and i cant always seem to get the portioning part right...so sadly, we have a lot of left overs....and in our household, left overs doesnt do well...since nobody's usually home...mostly everybody's home during the weekends only....well...for those interested...give me a call or text me...so i can save you a seat on the table!! ^__~

hope to hear from you guys soon!!! been a while already....miss ya!!!

*Christine's birthday coming up soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^________________^V

day 4

2006-10-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

coz of the great storm milenyo....it has been 4 days since we have power at home...our water supply is low....sheesh...making it sound like a survival mode show...but it does feel like it...except its just a whole lot more boring!!!! i cant believe four days without internet or other electronics?!?! how do you say im typing this?? i am currently in a cafe in the Mall of Asia...sucking up their power and using their Wi-Fi services....i have no idea when we're going to get our power back...it sucks!! i swear!!!! omg....i pray we have power and water when we get home later.... the storm btw, thrashed everything, not just in our area...wherever the storm went...it blew down all those big billboards...pushed down every giant tree!!! its a calamity scene in the big city....oh well...everybody's just trying to make the best of it now....well i gotta go...please pray for the people who lost their homes and loved ones...peace!! ^___^ *mwah*

they have dropped the bomb...

2006-09-22T12:17:00.000+08:00

aaarrrrggghhhhh........the exam was soooo hard!!!!!!!!!!! omg........i dont know if i'll pass......sheeeeet..........anyways........

i'll be going to the mall later to meet up with k8 and miren!! [yaaaay!!] gonna go shop for kamsy's gift....its kamsy's bday tomorrow and she's having a party! [double yaaaay!!!]

so i guess....this compensates for my crappy exam...[not really...but it makes me feel better..]

on other things...last wednesday my car suddenly broke down!! >___< so yesterday, my dad had the car fixed and he was the one who brought me and evie to school...i got to school like 6am...and my exam was on 8am!! so....ive got nothing to do...i went to the starbucks in katipunan for coffee and breakfast as well...

surprisingly, i was the first customer there..[doi]...well...the pretty barista took notice of my uniform and started doing small talk with me...[ahehehehe....what can i say? ;P]....so now...whenever i go to starbucks...there's always this friendly aura among the two of us...[that's why i love coffee!! ahahahahha!!] oh well....made a new friend again..ahehehehe... ^___~

well i gotta go now...take care guys!!

for "eggtaf"

2006-09-20T18:06:00.000+08:00

hello to the stranger who suddenly IM me...im surprised other people actually read my blog aside from my friends...you've mentioned we've met before?? refresh my memory please....i'd like to talk with you some more...if you have the time...oh well....

its nice to meet someone new... ^^; the time right now is 6:03pm...and the weather is really bad...plus its my fish and seafood exam tomorrow...which i havent studied yet!!! aww man...ive procrastinated all day...[watching Honey & Clover-->>great anime btw!] so enough of this now...time to cram and study!! bwahahahahahaha!!! wish me luck!! i hope to hear soon from you "eggtaf"!!!!

since i dont know your real name...and all i have is eggtaf to go with your YM id...i'll call you eggy...ok?? ahehehehe....eggy!!! ahahahahahahaha!!! just kidding!! ^___~

weekend cook-feast

2006-09-17T18:53:00.000+08:00

i went to Farmer's Market yesterday with my mum and dad...[and to miren, there are NO farmers in farmer's market! LOL.] just bought some ingredients for my usual weekend cook-feast!! ^___~ we bought this WHOLE huge *stretches out arms* lapu-lapu...when we got home...i cleaned, gutted and filleted the whole fish by myself with the use of my trusty knives!!! ^___^ im so proud of it!! ive never filleted anything that large before...unfortunately, out of all the excitement...i forgot to get a picture of it...*sighs* oh well...there's a next time...

also, i already did my seafood presentation yesterday evening....i got my little sister, mica, to video tape me while i cooked...all i have to do now is edit it thru my lap top...[note to self: buy adobe premier cd for editing]...i made the mango salsa, cauliflower mash and panfried-almond coated-lapu lapu with mango buerre blanc sauce...it was alright...i got the taste that i wanted right...but i couldnt get the consistency right....its always like 'soupy' texture which shouldnt be....*sighs* i have a long way to go to get this consistency thing right... >___<

anyways...for today, i made clam chowder and roasted pork loin stuffed with dried prunes.. unfortunately, i ran out of cream for the clam chowder...so the chowder still has the wine taste...[btw, for those who dont know...80% of all the things we cook in school, we use wine or any alcohol for flavor, consistency, etc....hence the faint sour flavors in the dishes.]....but im glad the main course, porkloin...was perfect!! i was afraid that it'd be a bit undone from within...but it cooked through well!!! ^___^

then after that...i went to my parish with Mayette [whom i havent seen in such a long time already!! her hair's really long!!! plus, plus....she has her own band!!!! she's sooo cool!!!! ^___^]...we havent been to our parish community for a while as well...so we just dropped by to see how everybody was doing...^__~

so that's how my weekend went....i dont have any classes on wednesday and thursday coz we have to prepare for another one those long exams that we're going to have this friday...all about fish & seafood!!! ahehehehe...wish me luck!! although on thursday...i might go to CSA with miren to watch the Cheering Competition...should be fun to see! anyone else interested in watching it...lemme me know!! kita-kita tayo!!! ^___^V

well that's all for now....till next time guys!!! take care and kick-ass always!!!

mood swings....

2006-09-13T20:59:00.000+08:00

ive been extremely depressed lately....i dont know what's wrong...hhmmm...i should list down what's been bothering me lately...then maybe i can figure out one by one what i should do...
[obviously procrastinating...]

my family hasnt been their usual selves lately...lots of fights here and there...
some of my classmates still doesnt like me...i suppose, just because we have to work together doesnt mean we have to like each other...
i havent seen miren and keight for a long time now....i really miss them...
i feel like im on a solo-flight whenever i go to school....[yes, i have some people that i hang out with there...but...its not the same...i dont have anyone there that i can actually confide to..]
i try to substitute this depression with an obsession for finding love...which is obviously stupid....i am what you call a romantic...i love the idea of "being in love"...but i think i'll never actually experienced it....im too attached to my comfort zone...
talking about comfort zone....i need to get out of this zone more often....i need to learn new things....see new places and meet new people...its not always going to be me, miren and keight....*sighs*
im doing everything half-assed now.....not as fully motivated and full forced as i first started school....but grades are still the same [high]...im not kidding! which just surprises me more....
i think i just really miss talking to someone....someone that i can really talk to...someone i can tell these sort of random depressing issues of mine....

oooh....who will wallow with me in my pitt that i've dug?? or will there be someone who will help me get out of it??

[you can laugh at this whole random thoughts of mine....its alright...wont blame you for it...id laugh at it if i just happen to read it...its not like the world will end nor does it revovle around me.]

first trial....

2006-09-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

pan-fried breaded milk fish with mango beurre blanc

we were given a hwk which is due 2 weeks from now....we need to make a fish/seafood dish with starch and veggies or sidings at HOME...so meaning...we need to document what we're cooking...either by video or pictures...plus we also need to have a nice presentation [plating] and a picture of the person who we're serving the food to....

i researched yesterday of what i wanted to make for my hwk...and decided that i'll make Pan-Fried Grouper with Mango Beurre Blanc and Mango-Avocado Salsa..the salsa would be my veggie sidings then i'll try and make a cauliflower mash...instead of the usual mash potatoes for my starch....

today, i tried making the mango beurre blanc...testing the waters...the thing that i've been having a hard time is adjusting the taste...my tongue is asian...and western taste is different...im like both tastes but i cant seem to get the western flavor right when im cooking it...when i made the sauce...i accidentally poured the cream inside the same used cup for my wines and vinegars...so in turn when i poured the cream in the sauce...the cream is already split...hence i couldnt make it all thick no matter what i tried... >____< plus i think the mangoes i used where not ripe enough...the plain beurre blanc sauce itself is already kind of sour...so with the addition of mangoes i was hoping to get sweet hint from it...unfortunately i couldnt even distinguish the flavor of the mangoes anymore!! arrrgghhh.......the trial and errors of an apprentice...

well, i couldnt throw the sauce away without actually trying it with fish...so i searched inside our refrigerator and found these milk fish cutlets...just to try the sauce and to see if its compatible with the fish...although im using grouper and not milk fish...still...both are fish!! ahahahaha!!! i breaded and pan-fried the fish...and placed it on the plate...i drizzled the sauce around it...and just added a stem of dill and halve tomato for contrast of colors...i know i still need to work on my plating....creativity, i call for you!!!! >__O

anyways, when i tried it...it was pretty good actually!! just wished the sauce was thicker and that i could have tasted the mangoes a bit more...

so tomorrow...i'll be trying to make mango beurre blanc again..except this time i'll make sure the cream has a separate cup already and that i'll puree RIPE mangoes...maybe if i used puree mangoes i'll get a smoother texture and a bit thicker than usual...hhhmmmm.....

im glad im doing this really early already...at least now i can see some variations and techniques that i still have to master....

not your regular hwk i suppose....and this the first time i'll be tackling on this kind of hwk...plus im pretty sure this wont be the last...there's going to be a lot of it!!! so...im calling all my friends out there!!! whoever's free this saturday...feel free to come by my house...food tasting!! ahehehehe.....this will be happening every weekend....i cook alot on weekends...so those who've been telling me that they're up for the job of food taster...here's your calling!!! ^___~

well....i just hope that i'll be able to get the right flavor and presentation skills by then... wish me luck guys!!!

the drawing nikki gave me...

2006-09-10T11:16:00.000+08:00

from asian food expo to mall of asia

2006-09-10T09:16:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a lot of fun!!!!!!! truly memorable....unfortunately forgot to bring my camera so...no pictures....damn....oh well...i'll just tell you all what happened....

we first went to the world trade center for the asian food expo....it wasnt as grand as the world food expo but it had the usual free food tasting everywhere!! so wherever we went, we got a sample of each...with a thought in mind..."will our stomachs be alright?" ^^, it didnt really matter in the end. since everything tasted great and we had a lot of fun as well. also, we bumped into Alex Craig and her mum....just a small chit-chat...then when we were already full from all the food tasting and there was nothing else left to see or eat...we decided to go to the SM: Mall of Asia..

we first went to the look out point at Mall of Asia...the one where you can see the bay and smell the salty air...it was kinda awkward when we there at first....since obviously everybody that was there were couples snuggling to each other...so in turn, we just broke off the "moment" by just laughing it off and making funny jokes.....a little bit of sea air does wonders for the body!

after that...we just went around the mall, window shopping since we had no intention at all of watching a movie or buying anything to begin with since we were both on low budgets...still it was fun exploring the huge mall and almost getting lost...[had to consult the map on one time]...then before we decided to go home we played first at timezone... ^___^ we love arcades!

when i brought her home....she introduced me to her grandfather...her mother wasnt there yet...and she showed me her room and her portfolio and some plates that she has done. she's a a really cool artist!!! luckily enough, she gave me one of her drawings... ^__~ it was sooo cute...i'll scan it someday and show it to you guys!!

so that was my...uh...err....what do you call that? Miren, keight and I were talking about this whole thing about dates....it will only be called a date if the other party is acknowledged about the idea....miren and keight are teasing me to this "unacknowledged date"...lol...still it was alot of fun...

in any case...im pretty sure i'll be seeing more of her soon...since she lent me some of her comics and CDs....hmmm....

well im pretty much full of energy now to do my powerpoint presentation for school tomorrow.....so im off to actually finish it!!!!

take care!!

things are a bit better in school now...

2006-09-07T19:44:00.000+08:00

just found out that the people whose ages are 23 and above had a meeting yesterday after class with Chef Manoj... they discussed what has happened in class and decided that the good behavior should start from them...etcetera...that sort of talk...one of the topics they discussed was my issue...the Mommies and my other friends in the barkada explained my side already and got things sorted out now....[so much for my confrontation...but i'll be on my toes now.]

it was really cool how such a huge change happened in class today after the chaos in the kitchen from yesterday...Chef Manoj was really on fire and barking at us like a mad dog yesterday coz of the noise, the disorder and the bad service...now it was really different....everybody was quiet when working....everybody was helping each other...there was order and teamwork...i never did that whole confrontation thing already since my friends and the Mommies talked to the others on my behalf yesterday from that meeting....but it doesnt mean im not going to do anything anymore....im just more cautious with how i work now...and keeping that whole teamwork thing flowing through out the room.

and just to let loose from that whole quiet-tiring-work in the kitchen...me and my barkada [noel, pao, may and kuya ramil] went to gateway and watched "You, Me and Dupree". it was really fun and just what i needed!!

i feel sooo much better now...and im really excited about saturday already!!! ^___^

though im in high spirits today already...my body cant keep up...im tired now and pretty much exhuasted....so that's it for now....

its a big day tomorrow and another day to redeem the class in the kitchen!!!

take care guys!!!

toot *toot_toot toot

2006-09-06T19:33:00.000+08:00

text messages recieved...

Nikki: Elo! Pinayagan na ko ng mum for saturday!

[that just quickly brightened my day!!! i invited her to go with me to the asian food expo at the world trade center...since i have 2 tickets and all.. ^__~]

Miren: ....You can't deal with confrontations... you HAVE to deal with this, kaya nga groupwork eh...you have to learn to assert yourself, you cant just hide in your work hoping its gonna blow over....you'll have to deal with difficult people when you're a real chef...

[i love it when Miren tells me these things....stuff i normally dont know about myself...and yet at the same time...makes me feel more scared...a little voice in my head is telling me..."time to grow up anna!"]

Kuya Ramil: I remember back in 1971 when i first saw the beef caldereta. I said i can make that too! its stewing! BINGO! Where's my bobby? Syempre naman, diba?

[LOL. only to be understood by students of ISCAHM...random famous quotes from our Chef Mike!! suppose to be read with that German accent in mind...]

Kuya Ramil: Leon! Where is Leon? I need my rondo...yes, my rondo!

[more random famous quotes from Chef Uli this time...suppose to be read with that Norwegian accent in mind...Kuya Ramil is one of my barkada in class...he's 28..i know really old already...but he's fun to hang out with!! im pretty sure he texted me these fun random quotes to cheer me up....i have a barkada in class...and we're pretty cool with each other...outside that...the other people arent so cool with me...which i know by now i should work on it and deal with it already...confrontation...an old word that i need to learn more about.]

i want to cry....but no tears are falling....

2006-09-06T18:01:00.000+08:00

today in school....i felt like the floor was suddenly pulled from under me and i was falling down unto an endless ravine...

i was informed by one of my classmates during break time that a relatively large group in the class doesnt like me....for reasons that i act like i want to work everything on my own....

first of all...i never wanted to do everything on my own....its tiring to do a job alone...but im always in a situation where im left with no choice but to do it myself...in most cases in the kitchen whenever the Chef would ask for something my classmates would just stand idle and whisper to each other what the Chef needs and not actually get it...so in turn, i'd just get it myself...

second...its second nature for me already to act on impulse...whenever Chef Mike/Uli/Manoj/whoever demands to do something...i'd jump to it right away....

third....i always welcome whatever help may come and accept constructive criticisms seriously...im not in a culinary school to show off or whatever....im there to learn and study...and im serious about it....if somebody has a problem with me...i'd appreciate it if that somebody would tell it to my face...that way we can fix things together and work things out for the better...

being in the kitchen is no joke...aside from the hard tasks given...pressure is added every minute...plus team work is really important....working in the kitchen was never a one-man team to begin with....

after the break...we went back to the kitchen...i couldnt immediatly work smoothly as i did before...knowing the prior information given to me...i hesitated now...every movement...i wasnt sure of what was i suppose to do already....in other words, i was scared....

this is really hard on me...i dont know how to deal with this...its not like these people are as the same age as me...they are older than me...

[and yet on some thought...they could act a little less my age]

but still, fact remains...they dont like me...they're older....and yes...i am intimidated now...

i cant let this get to me....im working so hard...i dont want to waste anymore time on this anymore.....i'll just try again tomorrow and work things out....hopefully...

got pulled over by a cop...

2006-09-04T19:57:00.000+08:00

i was driving from the mall to pick up mica in CSA...i was almost near the intersection but the light turned yellow already...so i slowed down and tried to move the car a bit to the other direction since i very well know i blocked the cars behind me who wanted to turn right. to that attempt, i ended up stopping a few meters farther than i should...pass the pedestrian line...then this traffic police guy showed up from who knows where and tapped my window to roll it down. the police said i shouldnt have done that. its consider breaking the law...something about "lane marking" i wasnt really paying attention...anyways...he was trying to scare me...first he asked where i was from then asked for my liscence...he asked if i've been to makati city hall...i said naturally no, havent been inside it but i've passed by it. then he said that the city hall doesnt really let this go so easily and he just keeps adding more stuff to make it sound like a hassle for me to get my liscence if ever he gives me a ticket. then finally he asked if that was alright with me? i said, ofcourse...i know i did something wrong so why not deal with it. the police obvioulsy got the idea i wasnt a push over and im not giving him any money [suhol]. so when the light was about to turn green again...he just gave me back my liscence and let me go...

HA!! in your face you asshole!!! sheeeesh......what a dirty system we're getting these days.... *tsk*tsk*

not so smooth day....

2006-08-30T17:46:00.000+08:00

fucking shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i scratched my dad's car [pajero] on our front gate!!!!!!!

i got home using my dad's car...i opened the gate to park it, reverse....and shit!!!!!!!!!

i hear this scratching noise at my right front tire....fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

im screwed......

the week sooo far...

2006-08-27T18:15:00.000+08:00

aug. 21-27, 2006

MONDAY:

went to Miren's house with Keight and cooked lunch for them as an early birthday gift!
lunch consisted of: Honey-Sage Glazed Porkchops & Buttered Vegetables ^___^V

TUESDAY:

Miren's Birthday!!!!!!!! ^___~

WEDNESDAY:

THURSDAY:

FRIDAY:

SATURDAY:

went to Miren's debut dinner party at The HEAT in Edsa-Shang!! Major BUFFET!! ^__^
unfortunately...didnt have my camera at that time..

SUNDAY:

woke up early and went to Farmer's Market after mass...i love that place!! soo cool!! [okaaay...so i like markets....lol.]
cooked lunch for my family
lunch consisted of: minestrone soup...pan-fried lapu-lapu fillet with tartar sauce...which i made from scratch!! meaning...i made my own mayonnaise!! ^___~
made too much food...gave out free food to our relatives who are our neighbors as well...

RANDOM MUSINGS:

the desserts were made by the Pastry Arts people...really good!! cant wait for that next year!
i plan to work next year as a private-cook for hire...to have some extra income as i study for Pastry Arts...so guys, yes...i am advertising myself!!! i'll cook for you guys in any occasion after my one-year course in culinary!! ^__~
the group pix with the food weren't taken on that same day...just needed to fill in the spaces with random group pix of my class..
and....GOODLUCK TO EVERYONE TAKING THEIR MIDTERMS!!!!!!!! fight and kick-ass!!!!! ^_________^V

open

2006-08-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

After school today...two of my classmates, Pao and Noel, hitched a ride with me going to Glorietta ...during the drive we were talking about the upcoming exams...school...our classmates...ourselves, etc...its funny on how they reacted when i told them im gay...

me: oh yea...im gay..
pao: gay? yea, yea!! gay ka!! lagi naman eh..
noel: oo nga! you're always happy!
me: no, dude!! im GAY!
pao: gay as in happy, diba?
me: hindi!!! i like girls!!
noel: kaw pala yung chickboy sa 'tin eh!!
me: chickboy?
pao: kasi di ka naman yung tipong gay eh...pwede ka para sa chicks...pwede rin sa mga boys!!
noel: kaya chickboy ka!
me: ahahahahahaha!!

i couldnt stop laughing, i swear!! those two are always so funny!! ^___~

so...if you've noticed...im pretty much open to the whole conversation of my sexuality! (not just to my own family though.. >___<) and ive noticed...compared from before...people nowadays are far more open and accepting to the whole idea....im glad!! ^__^V

anyways...aside from that...i finally got my knife set engraved with my name already!! wuhooo!!! ^_________^ i always worry someone might steal it whenever i bring it to school and leave it even for just a minute...but now it has my name on it!! bwahahahahaha!! though im pretty sure i cant be sure with just that....still have to take good care of it. ^__~

i dont have school tomorrow and wednesday...as mentioned before...they gave us 2 days off to study for the exams this thursday and friday...so...im off to study now!!

wish me luck guys!!! ^______^V

surprise!!

2006-08-13T18:19:00.000+08:00

me and miren planned a surprise party for k8...which was held yesterday at italiannis!! ^___^ im glad she enjoyed the night!

the apprentice begins her training!!!

2006-08-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

for the past week i've been standing in the kitchen for more than 5 hours with only 2 breaks that last for only 10-15 mins!!!! the chefs (my teachers) always tells the class that the career we have chosen is not an easy one but nevetheless if one has the passion and perseverance for it...the rewards are always fulfilling...and i wasnt really sure what they always meant by that till we worked in the kitchen!! it IS HARD!!! standing while wearing those painful kitchen clogs for more than 5 hours kills!!! ive never felt so exhausted in my life (aside from ACP)...but last thursday and friday...we cooked our own lunches!!! it was so goood!! and i can say that those 5 long painful hours are worth it!!! im so happy!! ^___^ next week, tuesday and wednesday, i dont have any classes for preparation for my preliminary exams which were moved to thursday and friday..to give 2 days-off just to study for exams must mean its really hard!! so i'll do my best and study!! just because i get tired and exhausted wouldnt mean im giving up so easily.....things are just starting...and i havent even tasted anything yet!!! ^___~

im actually cooking for my family this sunday!! im going to make the Pork Emincer with Button Mushrooms.. ^__^V right now, im waiting for my Brown Beef Stock to be ready which will be used for tomorrow's lunch....i'll let you guys how it turns out...this would be my first attempt...well ive cooked for my family alot of times already...but this would be my first time cooking something which ive learned from school...so im nervous and i hope it turns out alright!!

here are some pictures taken last week...

Chef Uli always have time to take pictures with the class no matter how busy he is with the stocks!! LOL! ^___^

thursday lunch menu:

friday lunch menu:

the funny thing about this day's lunch was we used too much herb garnish!!! made it look like a "jungle" theme spread!! LOL!! ^___^

uniforms, ID, email address and stress!!!

2006-07-27T17:49:00.000+08:00

after going to school for more or less 3 weeks now...ive more or less adjusted to it.. ^__~

although the load of the theoretical side is really heavy...i find myself studying every day whenever i get home (hence no recent updates lately....must be more serious with studies now!! bwahahahaha!) but i also find it really interesting to learn about. so, basically, im enjoying it!! ^___^

and ive met most my classmates now...and i really enjoy talking with them...even if they are older...most of them have experiences from working in REAL kitchens of the industry!! so i feel lucky to have met them and at the same time i feel so impressed by them!!!

yesterday, the school finally distributed our uniforms, IDs and email addresses!! i know, the last one got me too, but its really cool!! the school has their own website with their own email provider!! its soo professional.... ^_~

what i have now are just pictures of my uniform...just my uniform...its still smells new (the bad kind of smell not the good one) so i want it washed for before using it...though we start wearing the uniforms next week already...wheeee!! obviously excited about it!!

you should have seen me when i first got it!! i was like a kid (well i am one!?) during Christmas!! ahehehehe....

anyways, im too lazy to scan my ID...but you guys will see it soon enough...my prelim exam is on the 2nd week of august already!! so much info i have to take!! so dont expect a regular update for now...sensya na Rose!! ahehehehe...ngyon lang magiging seryoso sa pag aaral...kaya gustong pag butihan!!

but i miss you guys and i hope to see you all soon!!

just text or call me!! *let meet in katipunan!! ahahahaha!! ^_________^V

sh*t...what have i gotten myself into...

2006-07-17T19:22:00.000+08:00

there's no backing out of this now....i need support...i feel like im going crazy....

ugh....demmit!!!

didn't see that one coming...

2006-07-16T09:30:00.000+08:00

had a very memorable phone conversation with Sharina last night...but in all honesty, that was the first time anyone has ever asked me that since knowing who i really am!!! kinda made me really feel that whatever i say to her...she'd never pass false judgement on me....although it was an awkward moment...i got through it with laughs and a silly smile on my face. i kinda expected some people would ask me that...but never in my wildest dreams did i thought of all people to ask me that was Sharina...lol. aww...man..that's why i love Sharina for this!! she's so innocent and yet curious...ahahahaha!!!

if you're wondering what that is all about...i feel its best to elaborate it if we talk one-on-one...just catch me thru YM or MSN and ask what that is...but be warned...and be prepared to discover the other side....lol. ^__~

...whatever...

im biologically 18...but mentally 13...

2006-07-12T16:05:00.000+08:00

today was officially my first day of school (yesterday was just an orientation day...didnt knew my own class then...everybody was mixed up...anyways).....

when i woke up early this morning...i thought classes were gonna be suspended coz of the bad weather...but fortunately enough, it wasnt...(i really wanted to go to school)...the drive to school was kinda dangerous though coz of the really strong pour of the rain...but i was so happy to get to school safe and sound...(i thanked God numerous times each time i saw a green light!)

when i got to school....i was lucky enough to get a parking space!! (thanked God as well). i got there at 6:30am!!! and i havent eaten breakfast...so while waiting for class to start i sat at the lobby where there were tables and ate my baon...i dont like eating my breakfast at home when i wake up so early...i tend to puke it out...i dont know why...but my stomach doesnt like really early breakfast...

as i opened my tupperware of food...a girl came up to me and asked if she could sit at the same table as me...ofcourse, i agreed..(its a chance of making a new friends!!) ^__~

the girl's name is Allison...she's really pretty and speaks straight english...apparently she was raised in america and just moved here 9 years ago...i thought she was just 18-19...but i was surprised when she told me she's already 23! ahehehe...oh well...nevertheless we get along fine...she actually already graduated from another culinary school before (forgot the name) but she wasnt satisfied with how the school tackled the topic of cost control...so she enrolled in ISACHM just for that...i was impressed by her...technically, she's a real chef already!! studying again!! wow!! well, unfortunately, we aren't classmates...im in section A while she's in section C..

as expected, in my class was a mix of interesting people...some were under-graduates...college graduates...others were former business men/women...fresh high school graduates and ofcourse, the most expected group, the house wives... ^__^

when i first came in the classroom...the whole place was really quiet..i figured its just cause its really early in the morning...but when i saw the look in their faces...they were just bored and nobody really spoke a word...maybe because it is the first day...nobody knows anybody at all...so when i sat down and after i took a sip from my coffee...i took the initiative of trying to know the people around me...well if we're gonna be together for a whole year...at least i should start with the names.. ^__~

for the first day...we had first aid/red cross training...basically teaching us what to do during emergencies...kitchen safety, etc...it reminded me of my days being a medic in ACP....the class was all right...boys were the dominating group and my class only has 10 girls..and 2 are the house wives...so when the part of CPR topic came in (complete with the Little Anne dummy)...the usual green-minded jokes rose in the air care of the guys...its too early to tell where this class stands on my scale of "its ok-alright-dah best!!" but so far...i find it hard to talk with some of my classmates since we have these age gaps...i feel like the think im a nuisance when i talk to them...hence im biologically 18 but mentally 13...maybe im just intimidated since they are older...but i'm sure i'll get by and warm up to them soon enough..

i was surprised when our break time came in....most of the students were smokers!! O__o not used to being in a room full of smokers...uhh....oh well...i met up with Allison during the break and she introduced me to some of her friends who are the batch 4 of ISCAHM (im part of the batch 5)...all of her friends were guys...but i find it easier to talk with them than with my own class...they were cool and told me stuff about the school...the chefs/teachers that i have to look out for...the what-not's and what-do's of being a culinary student...really useful and funny at the same time!! ^___~

well...after classes...Allison and her friends invited me to hang out with them at the bar which was located 2 floors lower from our school!!! i went with them...unfortunately i didnt buy a drink for myself...i was going to drive home..i needed to stay sober!! so i just bought myself lunch. and they were telling me this was my welcome to ISCAHM (if only i had bought a drink) as they raised their bottles!! actually they were drinking in celebration of the end of their mid-terms...ahehehe...nice guys!! well i told them maybe i'll drink with them next time...

while they were drinking and me eating my adobo-flakes rice toppings...we just talked some more about ISCAHM and about ourselves as well...i was telling myself even before i went to school that i'll be true...meaning if anyone asks...i'll tell them upfront what i am and who i am...that is if anyone asked! (there's just gotta be catch to it..ahehehe...)..

anyways, i found out that Allison's family already moved back to the States..and i wondered who she's staying with...so i asked her...

she told me without missing a beat, "i'm staying at my girlfriend's house."

i didnt pay much attention to it when she said that...but ofcourse, in my mind i was thinking whether she meant it as a term of endearment...or...is she like me??

i wondered...but it was too early to ask for that kind of thing...maybe later on when i get to know her better.....honestly, at the back of my mind...i'd like her to be like me...i want to have friend who's like me...so some stuff are easier to talk about...i have someone to ask things about, etc..

well....who knows...its still too early to say anything...but one thing for sure is, i like my school!!!!! ^_________^

finally going to school...

2006-07-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

school finally starts tomorrow for me!! the days of waking up late in the morning are now gone....say hello to early sunshine!! (hell..there is no sun when i wake up now!!)

new daily rountine for anna-banana:
5:00am - WAKE UP
5:30 am - drive to school
6:30am- arrive in school
7:00am - school starts
2:00pm- school ends

basically the only hard part there is getting up in 5 in the morning!! but somehow, i feel i'll get used to it..(no choice anyway...have to be awake to drive!!)...and since i have no P.E. class at all (its all about cooking..) i'll be enrolling myself in a gym toget back in shape..since i've turned into a shape i dont like.. X__x

anyways...today was actually my test drive to school...my dad woke me up at 5am...and made me drive all the way to school and back home...just to time me and make sure i know where im going...since my school is far away in katipunan ave., quezon city...it was alright...traffic was very light and not much of a hassle..so i should get used to this new lifestyle in no time...

tomorrow is just my orientation day actually....so...not much to say for now...more will be said after tomorrow's event....hope everything turns out alright...

*actually nervous meeting new people..*

WTF!??!?!

2006-07-06T16:13:00.000+08:00

suddenly out of the ordinary i happened to watch an anime version of the Powerpuff Girls....it was really a "WTF?!?!?" moment... -__-'

'
(they do this "fighting-dance" stance whenever they transform...soooo-like Sailor Moon!!)

differences from the original:

they called themselves differently...Powerpuff Girls Z (emphasis on the last letter)...
the 3 heroines are not related by blood..
they are 13 yrs. old not in kindergarten anymore
they were not born out of a freak experiment but got powers by being hit by a white light that came from an explosion of a huge laser gun which has chemical Z in it...
since its an anime..they have japanese names to go with it as well...think of it like Sailor Moon...a bit sillyer (i happen to like Sailor Moon!!)....

Momoko Akatsutsumi (Blossom) - whenever she transforms to her magical girl outfit...she yells out "Hyper Blossom!!" her weapon is a yoyo.. O__o
Miyako Goutokuji (Bubbles) - her transformation phrase is "Rolling Bubbles!!" her weapon is huge bubble stick thing...(the one use to make bubbles!!! i have no idea what you call it...) >__O
Kaoru Matsubara (Buttercup) - her transformation phrase is "Powered Buttercup!!!" her weapon is a huge mallet!! X__x

the mayor isnt much of an idiot...though he doesnt wear the nice hat and glasses..
ms. bellum is blond!!! ^__~
Mojo-jojo isnt the professor's pet/lab assistant but he originally came from the zoo...got powers/became evil same way like the girls except he got hit by the black light.
Professor Utonium has an 8 yr. old son named, Ken.

for a first episode...its okay...but not really my cup of anime...i'd honestly rather watch the original than this...this anime version of the Powerpuff Girls feels like its audience target is for the kids...(ugh..suddenly made me feel old!!)...

its interesting to watch how the girls came to be...since they weren't related at all...they obviously had different lives...Blossom goes crazy over jocks...Bubbles apparently is the popular girl (every guy asks her out but she declines) and she loves to shop! while Buttercup (still my favorite whether anime or the original) is a tomboy...funny first episode when she was riding her skateboard out of school, a group of fangirls were waiting for her!! *naks naman!*

like i've mentioned earlier...this show's target audience is for the kiddies...so i think my little sister might enjoy this...so whether i like it or not..its for sure i'll be downloading this for her... *aww...bait naman ni ate!! ahehehehe...*

actually finished painting..??

2006-07-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

ahehehe...remember i mentioned a few months ago (april) that i took off all the pix from my wall and decided to paint it? click on this link to have lil recap on that...well whatever happened on that bare white wall of mine?? now that its july 3...and my school starts next week already...i finally decided to finish it..

well one side of the wall that is.....it just lacks the light pink cloth (which i will buy in due time)..i want the pink cloth to drape down on it from the ceiling.. ^__^V im really happy on how it turned out since im usually not good with any traditional coloring mediums...im especially proud of the kois which i painted...it has this realistic look!! my room has a fish pond!! XD

now my only problem is the other wall...since this wall is a fish pond...im not sure what to paint at the other side this time...any ideas?? im open for suggestions...i really want to finish this whole painting thing before i go to school...coz im pretty sure once i do go to school i'll never have the chance to even start this... -_-'

so im hoping i'll be able to finish this by this weekend...hopefully by then i'll figure out what to do with the other wall.. ^__~

OMG!!!!

2006-07-02T14:48:00.000+08:00

the greatest manga ever!!!!!!! NANA by Ai-Yazawa!!! Great plot, Great art and most of all Great character developement!!!! *squeeee* XD

ahehehe... -_-' i know i said i was gonna brush up on my french...but i suddenly got caught up with this...its sooo addictive since its soooo goood!!! i recommend this to anyone at all!!!!! if you've got nothing to do...READ it!!! there's also an anime adaptation to it and a live-action movie..both are good as well...but i enjoy the manga more!! ^____^V

you can get it by searching it thru Baka-Updates (site link at the side panel of this page)...GO NOW!! and be addicted to it as well!! *spreading the NANA-love*

might as well...

2006-06-29T09:06:00.000+08:00

since im not dong anything...i might as well just brush up on my french...ive forgotten so much of it already!! i feel so sad about that!! so for my efforts during summer french not to be wasted...i will self-study now!!! and hopefully i get back what i've lost during this time...wish me luck!! ^__~

taken from the journal of my DA account

2006-06-28T11:05:00.000+08:00

as many Death Note fans may know...the Death Note live-action movie is already showing in Japan since June 17...as much as i want to watch the movie...not like i can go to japan and at least understand every word of it!! well as i was surfing the net i stumbled upon this..

5-25-06 (11:05PM EDT)---- Big International Interest For DEATH NOTE LA

Opening on June 17 in Japan, the first of 2 upcoming live action DEATH NOTE films are garnering enormous attention overseas. Based on the bestselling manga with 14 million copies in circulation, 8 Asian countries are confirmed to be planning a release of the film. Additionally, offers of interest poured into the Nippon Television booth from 50+ companies located in Europe and America at the Cannes film fest. Golden Harvest has just closed on negotiations for the Hong Kong release. Companies in Taiwan, South Korea, Thailand, The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, and Singapore are said to be close to completting negotiations as well. Screenings are expected to start as early as the summer.
so good news for the countries mentioned above!!!

*source of article: [link]
*movie trailer with english subs: [link]

on another note... i found out that my old time favorite anime, Rurouni Kenshin, was made into a ps2 game!! so kewl!!! unfortunately...most games like that are never given a U.S. release so im not expecting any english version for it... *sighs* oh well...still im looking forward to it...i wish i could have that lil cute kenshin keychain!!

*in-game movie sequence of game: [link]
*game site: [link]

let's see...what else is new?? i called my school and asked when classes will actually start (since im boredead here already)..they told me it'll start on july 11!!!! man....ugh....i cant wait... well for the mean time i guess i should start shopping for stuff i need...

shopping list
- new pants
- new shirts
- undies (yes!!! embarassing enough...but true... ) -->> might as well just buy a whole new wardrobe!!!
- thermos (for my coffee )
- maybe a notebook too..(tho i think i'll just use my laptop instead..oh well )

so that's it for now...maybe i'll just draw some more later...

LUAU

2006-06-26T08:37:00.000+08:00

went to evie's luau debut party yesterday at Grilla, Rockwell...it was sooo much fun!!!! ^___^ and evie was so cute and pretty!! i was touched by how sweet and caring her family is to her...i dont see much of that these days so its really nice...and i was sooo happy to see my friends again!! and it was such a surprise to see veronica again!!! ooooh....how i missed her!!! i didnt know she was here for 2 weeks already!?!!? well...i think she'll be flying back to the states soon....anyways, everybody was so pretty also!! the party theme was great even though the weather didnt agree (its already the rainy season). and also, i was happy that i was able to write the speech for her (im part of the 18 wishes)...LOL. i was so nervous and i basically crammed it...i made it on the day itself...practically 40 mins before i left my house for the party...but im happy it turned out great!! ^__^

well, today is my mum's bday!!! i gave her a tea set..coz she loves drinking tea!! ^__~ and tonight the family will be eating at Circles!! yaaay!!! well so far....everything's great...and just 2 MORE WEEKS before i go to school!!! haaaaay....cant wait!! even though im sure i'll be regretting those words soon enough...but still, it beats laying aorund the house doing nothing...

btw, thanks Rose for the chatterbox!! ahihihihihihi... ^^; ng gagaya!!! ^____~

well...i miss ya guys and i hope to hear from you soon!!! ^_______^

for the mean time...

2006-06-17T12:58:00.000+08:00

just check out my DeviantArt page for any updates...i've been updating my journal there much more often than this since i've been drawing alot lately...anyways...most likely i'll just update this when my school finally begins...

ever wondered why my http address is "apprenticechef"? when i havent written about such..

well when school starts, i plan to use this page a lot more often than i used to now. so watch out for it!!!

for the mean time...im mostly hanging out at my DA page!!! ^__~

i want page views!! so go visit my DevArt page now!!!!! ^___^ thank you!!!

another photo update!!

2006-06-02T08:33:00.000+08:00

well since school is starting and summer is ending...well for most people, except for me...since my school doesnt start till july 10!!! ahahahaha!! anyways...i just thought i'd share some of my summer photos....aside from my French lessons that ended so long ago...i, ofcourse, did other things!! let my photos tell the stories!! (click on 'em to get a better view) ^_______^

finally!!!

2006-05-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

im going to the beach tomorrow with my cousins!! ^-^ just an over night trip but im still happy!! its the beach!!! i wasnt able to go out with nikki yesterday coz she was still busy finishing her canvass project...apparently in any arts course in college they have a project to complete over summer!! damn...so we rescheduled it for next thursday..so im looking forward to that too!! ^__^

anyways...things may sound cheery and happy at my side of life...but inside my house...all is not well..

this morning my older sister finally snapped at my parents!! i cant believe it!!! and to think...today is the wedding anniversary of my parents too!! so i feel really sorry for them...so everybody in the house is still kinda high strummed after that eventful morning...so instead of the whole family going to San Agustin church (where my parents got married), which we do every year...it was just the four of us...me, mica, my mum and dad...it was really sad...but it cant be helped..

so i just prayed for them...and everything to be alright soon enough..

that was a bold move...

2006-05-21T13:54:00.000+08:00

i texted Nikki earlier today...i asked she if she wanted to hang out with me this week...took a lot out of me just to send that simple text message... ^___~

and i waited...for at least an hour and half for her reply...and hey!! i cant believe it!!! i was literally ALL smiles when i finally got a message from her!!!!! ^_________^

i got an answer which went beyond my expectations!!

haaaaay.........ganda ng araw ko!!!!!!!!! she said she's looking forward to it!!!!!!!!

^_________________________^

i feel better than good...

2006-05-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

i went out today with my friends...since most of them start classes next week (monday) already!! its cause La Salle has a trimester course.. i was with Sharina, Marc, Jo, Iman, Ricky, Abi...err...well there's a lot of us!! lol. we wanted to watch the Da Vinci Code..unfortunately...it was R-18..and only me and Jo were of the legal age...sooo...we just hanged out and ate at National Sports Grill and played at timezone...it was still fun!!! plus...

i met this girl...she was invited to hang out with us as well by Marc and Iman...apparently she used to study at csa also..until grade 6 only since she didn't want to take up grade 7 (which is ofcourse a waste of time and money, anyways). now she's at her 2nd year at UP, diliman taking up Fine Arts...i find her really interesting...strangely enough, we have so much in common.. O__o

im pretty sure this wont go anywhere...but its nice to have someone to look at..nowadays... ^__~

somethings to look forward to...

2006-05-18T11:12:00.000+08:00

well...because of the sudden crappy weather changes....my hope of going to the beach next weekend is ruined!!! aaaargggh.....a summer without the beach.....uuggghhh.... >___<>

DeAth nOtE live-action movie has finally been announced!! it will premier in Japan on june 16. i read a few parts of the manga and its really cool!! check out the manga and the trailer for the movie!! ^__^

ive been downloading a lot of anime series lately!! sadly my internet speed isnt that much desirable...hence slow download time...*sighs* though it beats me buying the dvd sets in greenhills!!! ^__~

my family friend, Jin and her friends have been chosen by Cartoon Network to be mascots for the Power Rangers: Dino Thunder!! they're soooo coool!!!! they'll be touring around metro manila malls till june!! check out their site for more details!! dont tell me you guys never went into the "power rangers fanatic stage"!!! if pokemon got you, im sure the power rangers did too!! LOL!

well that much can be said so far...im just bumming in the house....oh!! and since im just bumming...i thought of at least getting myself back into shape!! lol...well at least i still have a month before my classes start...and 6 more months before my brother's wedding..(im one of the bride's maids)...so im taking advantage of the free time i have..ive been jogging every morning and getting myself into this diet...LOL!! well...its for the best!! ^__~

help me remember...

2006-05-17T18:15:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking for some time that i should write something...and i've thought of something now...since i always tell funny anecdotes of my life...i thought of writing every anecdote i have ...(who knows maybe i'll compile it into a book or something)...

so i was thinking if you guys can help me...try to remember any funny incident that happen to me and you guys were there to witness it....im pretty sure there's lots of it!! im known to be clumsy!! lol. ^__^ just email it to me...coz it would be pretty weird if you guys keep posting it in my comment boxes plus it would be pretty long! oh! and if you can, try to remember when the incident happened!! ^__~

thanks a bunch guys!!!

find the humor in life....that's how you survive it!! ^__~

happy mother's day!!

2006-05-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

we watched Posiedon at Greenbelt 3 today after we had dinner at Pasha (the mediterrenean resto)...after watching that movie...my dream of working at a cruiseline ship as a chef immediatly flushed right out of me!!! O___o i know..im such a wimp!! funny thing is...i like watching scary movies...but the impression of the scary movie kinda lingers in me for awhile..so in short..im a coward...though getting scared is sort of a good thing for me...

i immediatly realize in short split seconds the people that are important to me...you know how it is when we watch scary movies...we get into these roles in our minds the "what-if" situations...okaaaay....so maybe not everyone does it...but i do...anyways...i just suddenly remember all sorts of people...and how i usually take these people for granted...like my mom for example...

not everything's peaceful as it seems in the household lately...my parents are pretty much disappointed with us (meaning their children..me and my siblings). my brother is getting married on november already...but even when its like 6 months away...he doesnt really care much about the family his in...when my dad asks a favor from him..my brother disagrees with my dad and a long fight begins...(verbal only)...

then there's my older sister...she's obviously weak (physically) and yet she stubbornly choses to go to work...and yet even when she goes to work...its my parents who drives her to work and picks her up after!!! and her working hours arent that favorable at all...giving my parents a hard time....

then my little sister...she's already 13 yrs old and still she acts like a little kid...its cause she's the youngest and she was (not spoiled but) "babied" (if such a word exists) alot...and now, small scoldings make her cry!! geeez.....

and ofcourse, it wouldnt be fair to my siblings if i dont include myself! what my parents dont like about me is that i go out of the house alot....i know i more of the go-girl in the house...but its not like i just go out and have fun all the time...usually when i get out of the house its when i go to my parish activities...although whenever i go out for whatever reason it may be...my parents see it as lakwacha...i cant blame them..and ive thought about it actually...i always go out of the house to help other people and their families...and yet in my own house...my own family...its broken...so...as much as possible now...i try not to go out of the house and help out more with the household chores, etc.

the only issue that's going around in the house is gratitude...its not being shown around enough...from my 18 years of living here...my siblings aren't the type to show any emotion...its like they're too shy to show any at all!!! and for the record...nobody greeted my mum a "happy mother's day" except for me and my brother's gf!!! geeez....its really sad...now when i think about it more...i realize the lessons that were taught to me by my CLE teacher before..."households today are no longer homes of love and understanding...since the definition of a family has changed into a utilitarian". we live together in the house as a family but we dont act like a family...

its sad....but i'll try my best to stay strong...although compared to others...im sure this is nothing...but i dont want to lose this "nothing"..because its the only thing i am bounded by blood...

no more constraints...

2006-05-07T19:42:00.000+08:00

no wonder i havent been seeing any comments lately on my blog...i forgot to edit the settings of the comment box...whoops! *major sweat drop* anyways...

yesterday..i went to my parish and joined in the immersion activity..we went to slum areas of better living and just hang out with the kids there...it was really cool!!! the people were nice and hospitable!! i should really join more in the activites of my parish...i find it to be more benefiting me than it usually does the other way around...and im really thankful to the people there in the parish and to the folks whom i just met yesterday! i cant always be just cooped up in this room and waste my time doing nothing but surfing the net...the activity yesterday was a REAL experience for me..i cant wait to get more involved with them soon!!

today...was my aunt's bday...so we had a small family get together at her house...obviously my cousin, Thessa, was there..i cant help but feel nervous when i see her..im pretty sure that im alright with the whole thing "her-knowing-my-secret"...its just that...to tell you guys the truth...im not close with any of my relatives...all they get from me is small talk...nothing more, nothing less...but to be surprised with a really BIG bang that one of them knows me more than they should really know gave me a real shock...to the point it kinda scares me...i dont know why...its just that feeling..

so yea...im okay with her knowing it already...just takes some time for everything to sink in...well this coming week is my last week for french classes...so with no more constraints...i'll enjoy it to the fullest!!! ^___^

where's my safety net??!

2006-05-05T14:25:00.000+08:00

after my french class today, i had lunch with my french class at Gerry's Grill in Jupiter.. just a small get together with the class....bond a little...eat a lot...and did some small talk as well...

apparently, the small talk was long 50 ft. drop for me..

sir was talking about this blog of a guy and he was saying that its really funny..(www.bryanboy.com) and i started saying that i have a blog as well...although i had no intention of telling the site to them my cousin, Thessa, suprised me by saying she knows about it! and when she said it...not only referring to the blog but to the contents of it as well..it practically flipped my head when i heard her say that!!!! heck...i was sweating profusely (sp?) out of being nervous....

good or bad? i dont know yet exactly....i didnt say anything on the ride home...i couldnt....i dont know why but at some level...i felt really bad....though she did say it doesnt matter...but still...all through out that lunch and on the way home...i strangley felt naked...embarrased i suppose...i just dont know how to piece everything together now...my feelings are all mixed...maybe when im in a better mood..i'll think of something...think of what?? that i dont even know yet...

i always thought i should be ready with this confession thing....but when life suddenly got the better of me...it just sucks now...but...it kinda gave me the idea...that no matter how long i "wait" for that "moment"....life won't wait at all....which sucks even more now...

dont swing that way...

2006-04-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

i was having this little conversation in my head...(obviously it just meant i was just talking to myself but hey! its still a conversation...) i decided to name the voice in my head Sam...since it would be weird if i just say "the voice inside my head said..." LOL. oh well...

Sam: what was that look for?

me: huh? what do you mean?

Sam: you know what i mean! stop denying it...

me: what?

Sam: you sure love playing dumb, dontcha? its right infront of you already...

me: yea...yea....i know what you mean....but..what can i do?

Sam: Oh...right...that is a problem...forgot about that "tiny" detial...

me: she doesnt swing that way....

Sam: man...being jealous sucks...well...sucks for you!!!

me: i know...there's nothing really i can do but just play along...

Sam: i wonder how long you can play like this?

me: until i grow up...i guess...

Sam: what does it mean to be grown up?

me: who knows...

Pardon my French...

2006-04-27T20:20:00.000+08:00

Je suis désolé… its been a long time since I’ve updated my blog…well..since I never pursued my summer job I enrolled into a summer French class with my cousin, Thessa and my friend, Miren. Its been really fun and I’m enjoying all the new friends I made plus the new language I’m learning. I’m planning on continuing this new language class till June…since my culinary schooling officially starts on July 10!!! I know….such a long vacation..Thank God for French!!! ^___~

Anyways…aside from this new language classes I’m doing…starting tomorrow I’ll finally begin painting my room!!! ^_____^ but I’ll be starting with the basics first…like the white base paint…just to clean out the surface thoroughly.. I plan to paint every weekend since for weekdays I have French classes....My friends will be coming over to help also!! So I don’t know how much work we could actually do…but I’m sure it’ll be fun as well!!!

I’ve been playing the new KH2 game!!! Same-old, same-old with some new added features…kinda made me confused though at first…but after a while I got the hang of things again.. ^__^

Let’s see….what else?

Recent movies I’ve seen so far is Eight Below and RENT…and both are highly recommendable movies! I love Eight Below for those lovely dogs and RENT for the great musical score and story!!! ^_______^

On my anime lane….been watching and downloading: Air Gear, xxxHolic, Nana, Yakitake! Japan! And a whole bunch of other animes which are full of shoujo-ai…ahehehe…I know my sources…ANYWAYS….

That’s my summer so far…Surprisingly, a summer full of activities and busy-ness….no plans in going to the beach yet…but I still intend to go to the beach!!! Its not a summer vacation without a trip to the beach!!!!!! Well I gotta go now…hope to hear from you guys soon! Take Care!!

Au revoir!

screw it

2006-04-17T17:43:00.000+08:00

everything's fucked up...

stalling with the sounds of Sade...

2006-04-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

okay...im suppose to go now to that resto kamsy referred me to for a part time job...but what am i still doing here? cold feet, i suppose... i've never really done anything like this before..

sure, ive done summer jobs before but that was in my parent's shop...working for your parents is an entirely different thing from actually looking for a job and working for someone whom may or may not like you in return...so, yeah...

but there are the money matters and work experience that i need...so im like playing or rather dancing a "cha-cha" here...deciding whether to go through with it...of course there are still slim chances of me getting the job since i havent actually gone to the place and introduced myself..but oh well...just thinking about it makes me nervous...well...thinking about it will get me no where if i dont move now... O__o

and its not just because i have nothing to do during my sumemr break..(im actually taking up french lessons!!)

i just need a little bit of self-confidence in me...or better yet ALOT of confidence...mine seems to be quite empty already... oh well...time to grow up now and take up responsibilty for whatever choices i make!!

apparently, from a survey i made through my text messages to my friends...i am too immature...time to think logical and set aside childish antics to survive in this circus!! ^___~

time is ... 2:39pm. i should get going now....i wonder how things will turn out...

but at most i pray that i DO get a part-time job!!!

evacuating...

2006-04-04T10:58:00.000+08:00

just wanted to show you guys what's happening with my room...apparently because of the construction of my brother's house...which is right beside ours....his house covered the exhuast of my aircon...so now im camping at my parents room for the mean time while the workers move my aircon to the other side of my wall....so hopefully after that construction work in my room...i can start to actually clean it and paint it... ^___~ wish me good luck on that!! O__o

(last pic of what was my room before)

photo update

2006-04-04T09:03:00.000+08:00

well...obviousyl a lot has happened over the past 2 weeks...so i will fill this update post with lots and lots of pictures for you guys to enjoy. ^___~ (just click on the image to get a bigger and better view of it)

christine came here and visited....she came to my ACP graduation and we went shopping in greenhills!!! ^___^

after that...i had my field trip in EartHaven at San Mateo, Rizal....it was a lot of fun!!! i really enjoyed myself since im such an "outdoorsy" person...altho i cant say the same for my other classmates who prefer a much "civilized" venue for a fieldtrip...oh well... ^___~

after my field trip...my week was filled with graduation practices and preparation for my High School graduation which was held last saturday, april 1...it wasnt as an emotional event as i expected it to be...but in some way im kinda glad it didnt turned out like that...i dont want any goodbyes said in tears...im pretty sure me and my other batch mates will see each other again...not so often though but im sure we'll see each other again...(btw, valedictorian is gel and salutetorian is carlo). i had my graduation dinner at Sugi (a japanese resto situated at greenbelt 3)...it was soooo goood!!! i loooveee it!!! ^_____^V then my dad, bro and older sis gave me the culinary books that i've always wanted as grad gifts!!! i was sooo happy!!! and my lil sis, mica, gave me a match box Peugeot convertable car!! yay!! i know it sounds soo childish...but i've got this new fascination with cars and motorbikes...so im starting a new collection of miniature cars and motorbikes!!! its soo cool!! ^___~

well...obviously after the graduation night is the much anticipated graduation ball....it was held at the Mandarin Hotel...and it was a really cool event!!! everybody looked so hot and beautiful (including me ofcourse!)!!! unfortunately the dance floor wasnt much to be desired it was smaller than Westin's and we thought that Westin's dance floor was already small but it got beaten by Mandarin!!! oh well...still we had lotsa fun and i really let myself loose on the dancefloor!!! ^___~ after the gradball...miren, k8 and i were suppose to go to an after party...but we got no ride...so we just hanged out in miren's house...we went swimming in her pool and made chit-chat till 4am!!!! even if it was just the 3 of us, we enjoy the night fully!! err...day...ahehehe....(the 2 pictures on the left with me, k8 and another person...that is actually my physics teacher, Mrs. Padlan!! ahahahaha!! she's so cute!! then the picture below that...the one with another teacher and me...the teacher is my class adviser and filipino teacher, Ms. Agor!! Really cool teacher!! actually all of my teachers are cool!!!! im gonna miss them... >___<)

so the next day or the next few hours we finally got up around 9am (ugh..still needed sleep but oh well...) we went to school and picked up our report cards...im pretty happy with mine although english was never my strong subject.. after that when i got home...i started cleaning my room...and not just the usual cleaning that i always do...this is *the* general cleaning!! i've stripped down my wall (taken off all the pics!) shock? ahehehe...well...i got tired of the pictures already...and the photos were accumulating dust and other unknown life forms....so i thought of just repainting my wall...it'll be fun since my friends will be here to help out as well..ahehehe.. (free labor? ahahahaha!! just kidding!). so now since it is my general cleaning and planning of painting my room...my estimated time of finish will be one week's time (that's for the cleaning only) i havent thought about how long it will take to paint my room since i think that would take a much longer time...oh well...

so anyways, aside from my general cleaning of my room...what have i been upto since now im officially an alumni of csa? (as kamsy has put it). well...im still pretty much active in my parish community...i'll be going there actually later and help out with the practises and preparations for the Sinakulo play (based on modern times tho so its really good) which will be held next week already at 7:30pm (mon-wed) at the Don Bosco Parish...(those interested for tickets let me know!!) and also, aside from my parish...i've been looking for a summer job in any restuarant...just to help me prepare for my formal culinary schooling...so if anybody knows of some resto hiring for help...please let me know...i am serious about this one...so help me out, k? thanks!!

well...that's it for now...a pretty long and decent update for you guys...hope you enjoy reading and looking at the pictures..ahehehe...and if you want any of the pictures (i actually have more) let me know and i can email em to you...till next time!! ciao!! ^____~

SUUUUMMMMMEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! (part 2)

2006-03-15T09:22:00.000+08:00

so many things to be happy about today....

final exams are over (which means im done with high school!!!)
all i have are just graduation practices
summer is here!!!
and puerto galera here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea...puerto galera...intially it was suppose to be bora...but oh well...plans changed...but puerto galera is more likely to be the vacation spot me and my friends will be going to!! im really excited already!!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

put some thought into it...

2006-02-26T14:06:00.000+08:00

check this out guys!! [link]

its an interesting essay written by my best friend, Riz!!! i found it to be really cool...so why shouldn't you?? the idea was really creative!! ^___~

SUUUUMMMMMEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-25T10:09:00.000+08:00

currently: planning boracay vacation trip with miren and keight!!!!
possible lodging: La Carmela de Boracay Beach Resort Hotel
mode of transportation: we have no idea how to get there?!?! ahahahaha!!!! either RO-RO or by airplane...

IM SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! havent even asked my 'rents permission yet...ahahahaha!!! oh well....i can feel summer is sooo near by already!!! i need to talk with my cousin then...she works in a travel agency...makes everything easier..ahehehe...contacts... ^___~

busy-busy-busy-busy...breaks!!!!!!!

2006-02-24T15:32:00.000+08:00

this has been my busiest week so far!! well....as far as i can remember.....did alot of work for my teacher (yes, im a sucker)...but it was fun!! i was in-charge of documenting all of the events for the academic week II...my hard work will be shown on monday in the theater....supposedly today..but since there's no classes (which the teachers anticipated) it'll be on monday instead.

there's no classes today because...well...i dont really understand everything fully...with all the craziness that's been going on here...its really just sad....why cant they just get along and stop with all the selfish bickering? alot of tragedies are already popping up from every corner of the country AND the world!!! *sighs* its really sad...and tomorrow is suppose to be the edsa revolution anniversary...and when i think about it...all the other history revolutions that ever happened here...it went to waste...our past heroes now weep of what has become of the land that they have died for....

i pray for peace and hope....may all this confusion end soon...

NR

2006-02-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

we had songfest "practice" today in school...i got there...and we waited for the others to arrive...only a few came so never mind practice...oh!! im currently reading a book!! LOL! i know!! surprise, surprise!! well miren said i should really start reading...so i took her advice and went to powerbooks yesterday..miren said if its a cook book it doesnt count! >__O well the book i bought is entitled "Labyrinth" by Kate Mosse. so far its really interesting and im enjoying it although i dont read fast as other people usually do...i have my own pace...and the book is actually as thick as the bible!! but i dont mind. ^__~

let's see...what do i have for the coming week?

- submission of partial math project
- submission of filipino dialogue script
- submission of physics research paper (scrap book)
- teacher's day (slash) valentine's.. O__o
- college fair
- band show

basically, all i have are projects to do and finish....and i do have to prepare for valentines...no i dont have a date! (as if!) im making dinner for my friends here at my house! i was telling them since all 3 of us are always soo bitter on the idea of "love" and day that we hate the most is fast approaching...i wanted to at least give them something to smile about. ^___^

so far, this is the menu i've thought of:

appetizer: Champinones Al Ajillo (garlic mushrooms)
main course: pasta with fresh tomato puree sauce and grilled chicken
dessert: home-made strawberry ice cream

i know, pasta is up there again...well its only one of the few things i know how to make fairly well...im actually gonna make the sauce for it tomorrow already since its a lot of manual labor...i have to boil, seed and peel the tomatoes... O__o ALOT of tomatoes!! lol...well i enjoy doing it anyways... also today, i drove to the mall and picked up my ATM card (yes!) and i was finally able to withdraw my money!! LOL!! i needed it to buy the ingredients in the supermarket...although i wasnt able to buy everything i needed..

*note to self- dont forget to buy: olive oil, bruschetta bread, mushrooms, seasonings and flowers!!

the flowers are for my mum! ^__~ i dont want them to think that the dinner is only for my friends...ofcourse, the family's included too!! i cant remember what i did last year...most likely i did nothing...so i kinda feel excited about this now.....just a small dinner party!!

for what again?? LOL!!

so what do you have to say??

2006-02-08T18:34:00.000+08:00

i've always been told many times that i'm a chatter box (madaldal). although, to my surprise, i was told by my close friends that i dont say anything. i suppose i do "say" alot of things but in terms of saying what i really feel or think....i can't always seem to explain myself well. so i say nothing. like miren and keight would always talk about something whether funny, serious or just down right mean and i would just laugh along with them. at most times they'd wait for my reaction or comment on the topic and i would just smile in return. i dont why...but i never mind it actually coz mostly (as usual) i dont know what to say in return...how come i cant get a quick response from my lil brain? or do i just hesitate?? but why would i be hesitating to answer?

i dont really understand much (a phrase i often say/write)....oblivous to my surroundings i guess...but i wonder many times...how come i cant explain myself well? the thoughts in my mind....the feelings in my heart....words dont come into my head to express these things easily...so at most, i guess, i try and draw it...but what am i drawing anyway?? currently...nothing so far...like major drawing projects...i actually do have a few i should finish coloring (photoshop) but it can wait...*sighs* an artist life is such burden! woooosha!!! feeling!

whatever happened...

2006-02-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

to riz??

just been wondering for a while....havent heard from her for a long time now...she's usually the one who would always remind me to update her on stuff, etc. oh well...she must be busy too like me...i just hope she finds the time to get online sometimes too, you know... ^__~

well....this week is long test week...then next week is the college fairs...after that week its the academic activity week...sooo 3 weeks of busyness!! damn... X__x final exams is on march 9, 10 and 13 already!! oh dear!! i gotta finish those projects now!!!

*btw, vol. 3 of kashimashi is already up in baka-updates!! not that any of you people need to know...its just something i read whenever i feel like taking a break from all the school work....manga scans...whooopeee!!! O__o

i cant predict the future...

2006-02-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

i dont feel so good today...my body aches with pain and my throat hurts everytime i try to drink (and the water isn't even cold!).

what happened yesterday...

the fourth year batch is building houses for the less fortunate people as an outreach activity and my class's turn was yesterday. we were all excited but to our surprise there was nothing on the empty lot but dugged up holes, it was still in the foundation stage, so there was alot of work to be done. we started what the previous class left, digging up the foundation, it lacked a depth of one foot...and the lot was fairly large. "oh well..." i thought to myself, "might as well start working.." so i started digging along with my other classmates. when i looked around at the progress of what we have done, i got kind of irritated at some of my classmates running away/hiding from the manual labor plus the weather didnt help us at all. It was really hot! Luckily, my classmate, Mike, lent me his cap. But after all the work when i took off the cap, the cap got really dirty and it was wet too (from my sweat, ok!?), i told Mike i'll have it washed first before returning it to him since it was embarrassing to return the cap being as it was. after the "manly work", my class went to mcdonald's for lunch!! we even had a guided tour around the small vicinity! I am now disillusioned from the magic of mcdonald's! LOL. i started coughing really hard on the way back to school. well after sweating really hard then straight into an aircon room...anybody could get sick by that!

well silly me...i didnt pay any attention to it. as a matter a fact, i even went out to the mall and met up with my friend, Trish (after we did the outreach activity we went back to school and just waited to be dismissed). Its been a really long time since I last saw Trish..oh btw, for the people who dont know...Trish is a graduate of CSA, so yea, she's a a year older than me (in terms of schooling)...but actually we're just the same age (we even have the same month of bday, Jan..but she's a few days earlier than me). Trish was a new student of CSA last year and I met her in my club, FOME...after that we just started hanging out. she's really cool!! well now, she's in college (DLSU) taking up physics, though she said she might shift. anyways, we watched a movie (Proof), really good even if its about math (i thought i was gonna get a hemmorage! luckily nothing happened. :P ) then after that we just walked around and catched up on stuff...we even went to timezone...we saw the prizes for the tickets and one of the prizes was a pressure cooker worth 800 tickets!! and we were like, i want that!!! LOL. for 100php worth of game load we were determined to get that pressure cooker!! i swear!! that was so funny!! obviously we didnt get it...but it was fun!!

earlier today, when i first woke up...i coughed like crazy!!! it felt like my throat was being wrapped with barbed wires (like in the commercial!)...plus every part of my body aches!!! i guess it was from all that "manly work" i did yesterday from the outreach. im just lucky i dont have a fever...i cant afford one right now...especially with graduation soo near..i still have a lot of requirements to accomplish (and what am i doing here?!). earlier this morning before i started doing any school work i thought, "what a mess this is..(referring to my room) i can't work like this". so naturally, i started cleaning my room! took my entire morning to really clean my room. i've got new bed sheets now and new clean pillows to go with it. i can see my clean floor now and my shelves are "organized". how many times have i mentioned that i've clean my room in a month? i think in a month...i'd clean my room twice or thrice..and this cleaning...its really cleaning!! boxes everywhere, brooms, rags, etc. oh well...just goes to show how dirty i can be with my room...but i make up for it whenever i clean it. ^___^V

after that hectic morning, the rest of the afternoon was spent by me watching "Tanging Ina". i was trying to see if i can use any dialogue material in it for my filipino project. then i started doing my english paper was well...im half way done with it. and maybe tomorrow, i'll go to the doctor! my coughs been really bothering me..its really hard to drink...whether cold, luke-warm or warm water...it stings my throat!!! and im the kind of person who likes to drink alot!! so right now...im really thirsty...even with just one glass of water...i couldnt finish it...it hurts my throat..i'd take small sips from it...my body pain is slowly fading away now (i drank alaxan), thank God!

right now, im at my dinning table typing this and trying to sip some hot gree tea atleast since i couldnt sleep coz of my coughs...and a thought occured to me just now within all this silence of this house...

i've always been so sure of everything when it comes to choices concerning my future. it doesnt mater if i changed my mind through the years but the fact is that im always so confident and sure of what i want to be and my choices that go along with it.

back in grade one i wanted to be a veterinarian...i would read tons of books about animals and stuff...but after i've discovered some new things about myself...i said, "drawing's fun...i want to be an artist!"..so i would always draw everyday (even today, but its just a hobby now)..but then, i noticed that other people are sooo much better than me and i felt embarrassed coz i was so proud of myself...so i moved on and stumbled on the art of writing, this was around grade 6. back then, i was also soo sure of it (writing, i mean)...i even joined the Augustinian Mirror (the grade school newspaper org) although, i landed only as a photographer, i was content to be still in the organization, thinking it would help me later on. i even applied for the UP, Los Banos (highschool for the arts) since i was so sure of what i wanted. i wasnt planning on staying to CSA, my eyes were set on UP...i made the first cut of the applicants..but at the second round...i lost it...so i'm still stuck in CSA...well no big, i met miren, keight and the others. then when highschool came, during the time of a crisis here in the household (we lost maids, stupid maids stole from us!)...i learned to cook from my father and added the experience from the third year trade expo...i finally knew what i wanted!!

so what's the point of all of this?? i dont know...it just got me thinking...that im always so sure of my future...of what i'll become...that other people around me envy me since i know what i want and i know what i'll become after graduation...and yet, now.....im at the point of my life...when suddenly im not sure of anything...the only thing im sure about is my future career...but my future in itself...im not sure of it at all.....i may have a wonderful profession in the future...i job that i love...a work that im passionate about...but as far as careers goes...

where will i be in the future??

who will i be with??

and...will i still be in a family then?

i hate my sister

2006-01-29T08:55:00.000+08:00

....
......
.........need i say more?

so "kung hei fat choi" to you too!!!

2006-01-28T18:04:00.000+08:00

we're having chinese tonight since its the Chinese New Year tomorrow...and let me just tell you...im not chinese! i dont even have a single blood of chinese in me!! so weird...but my parents thinks its interesting to join in the celebration since they have a lot of clients at work who are chinese and so those chinese people have been showering us with tikoy (a sweet sticky dough dipped in egg and fried).

i actually just read the manila bulletin's chinese new year edition. really cool!! they have this chinese astrological stuff written all over the paper. im a fire-rabbit!! and my fortune for the new chinese year will be lucky!! apparently it says that 2006 will be my luckiest year whether at school, work or even relationships! *optimistic thinking* then it added that i should FOCUS...im not kidding!! exact words!! check it out in the paper!! dammit...even the chinese are out to get me! ahehehe.... ^___~ its just really interesting to read these kind of things coz more or less the personality they wrote about the Fire-Rabbit holds true for my personality!! aaaalliwww!!!! ^___^

although i normally dont believe in superstition...i'd like to think that this is my lucky year!! i've noticed since Jan. 1...things have been going my way...i got a summer job opportunity...my friends got into ateneo...the weather was clear during my party at the beach...my grades are still good...but i'd like to say that all these good things happening to me arent caused by luck...but by the prayers i made to God...i've been praying a lot these days...and those things i mentioned above are some of them and amazingly God hears my prayers and have answered them one by one.

so the chinese astro-whatever and superstitions may be interesting...but nothing really beats a classic prayer to God! ^____^

the "talk"

2006-01-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

yesterday i had lunch alone with miren coz k8 had songfest practice. i was just babbling on about the exit interview i had in the guidance with my classmates to miren when she asked if i was happy...i thought she was asking if i was happy with my class...so immediatly i said no...but after saying that...miren added other things which made me realize some things about myself. i didnt say anything in return...well a direct reaction to it until today. obviously, i just wrote it through a note. i can never explain myself well when i actually do it will always be through notes or letters...and even through that letter i feel i wasnt able to explain myself well...im always "wishy-washy" (a term i use on myself meaning...umm...basta yun! ahahaha!) i never really thought about anything so far (serious things i mean)..not until yesterday...its one of those questions that just suddenly hit you point blank and makes you think...to others, i suppose it would be easy to answer...but in my case...i thought about it. i dont know why i did...i just did...

and yeah, i am happy with my life! knowing i have great friends who cares! parents who love me! i have so much blessings and im so thankful to God for them! but (as mentioned in my note) i cant help feel regrets about my past...it comes and goes with depression, i guess...but doesnt everyone go through that?

growing up...geeez....what a mess! >___O for someone who just turned legally 18...things keep pilling up! miren said before "aging is inevitable but growing up is optional" i say I CHOOSE that option!! ahehehe...well someday i will grow up...i wrote this in sharina's palanca..."maybe the reason why i dont want to grow up is cause i'll be needing to think about more serious things (like coming out to my family) and those kind of things..the thought just scares me"

i obviously cant keep running away from it...but until then...i would want to ignore the matter...

i'll get a job first!!!